


One Friend Is All You Need

by OneSlimyBoi



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Abused Deceit | Janus Sanders, Bullying, DID I MENTION ROMAN IS A B I T C H?, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Has ADHD, Deceit | Janus Sanders Has Vitiligo, Deceit | Janus Sanders Needs a Hug, Homophobia, I've wanted to write a Janus sob story for ages so screw it i'm doing one, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Janus goes by Dee, Janus is baby, M/M, Rating might change i'm not sure, Remus being Remus, Remus is very horny, Roman is a bitch, Sexual innuendos, Slurs, Some Dubcon (No actual smut though), Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, talking about death, talking about sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:00:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 27,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26144491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneSlimyBoi/pseuds/OneSlimyBoi
Summary: Remus isn't like his brother, he doesn't believe in love at first sight or some shit. Sure, you can look at someone and immediately think you want to fuck them, but it's not the same.Well, until he found out was love at first sight really meant. It didn't mean actual love, no, it meant when you see someone unforgettable, someone you want to know everything about, someone who plagues your mind until you finally talk to them.Because it happened to him when he first saw the new boy at school, everything about him was immediately intriguing, his eyes were mismatched, his vitiligo covered skin, and Remus definitely wanted to know everything about him.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders
Comments: 242
Kudos: 164





	1. Chapter 1

Remus was just stood by his brother's group of friends, trying his hardest to keep his mouth shut. Roman hated it when he talked because of all of the gross things that came out, but Remus couldn't help it!

The need to spit out every disgusting thought that crossed his mind rarely went away, there was just so many nasty things out there to talk about!

They were talking about disney or something, Roman's boyfriend Virgil was arguing about frozen or whatever and their nerdy friend Logan was pointing out all the logical flaws in the film his friends had made him watch. 

Remus tapped his foot, his hand tapping against the locker behind him. He was so bored, and he got fidgety when he was bored. 

"But Olaf!" Patton, another friend of theirs interjected. It wasn't really a point, he just liked olaf a lot. Remus wanted to say something about how when Elsa dies Olaf is going to melt, but he forced himself to stay quiet. 

He looked around for some sort of distraction, literally anything, and that's when he saw it. Saw _him_. Walking down the hall with a sour look on his face was a boy with dirty blonde hair under a black beanie, a yellow hoodie with a black leather jacket over the top, one green and one amber eye, and vitiligo, a particularly large patch of darker skin around one of his eyes. 

"Holy shit." Remus didn't even try to stop his loud words, because, holy shit. Remus had always had a taste no one else seemed to share, he loved a unique look, and this breathtaking new student was absolutely it. 

He needed to talk to him. _Now_. He didn't even think for a second before rushing forward, "HOWDY!"

Remus' loud introduction startled the student, making his move back. He looked up at Remus (Remus took great satisfaction in the fact he was taller than this boy, too.) with surprise and confusion. 

"Uh... hi?" He said, his eyes moved to behind Remus, where the group of friends were watching with wide eyes. 

"My name is Remus!" Remus announced, "What's yours, cutie?" the boy blinked at him, "Uh.... Dee." 

"Dee, huh? is that your real name?" Remus asked. Dee frowned, "Not exactly. It's my middle name. Anyways, why do you care?" 

Remus grinned, "Well i'm just interested in the life of the beautiful angel infront of me, of course!" 

Dee scoffed, "Oh yeah because i'm such a _beautiful angel_. What do you really want? go on, say some shit about the eyes or the skin." 

"How dare you! you think i came to _insult_ this _beauty_?" Remus gasped. Dee rolled his eyes, "I don't have time for this. Go find someone else to mess with." 

Dee walked past him, Remus wanted to grab him and stop him, but they were still basically strangers, and while Remus normally wouldn't care, this was the one person he didn't want to scare or drive away. 

He wandered back to the group, who were still staring at him. "What... _was_ that?" 

"Oh, i'm sorry _Virgin_ i don't share the same lovey-dovey crap my brother does that somehow won you over!" Remus spat, it wasn't really... any sort of insult, but he was annoyed, so he said it with the tone of one.

"Hey! it's not lovey-dovey crap! and don't yell at my boyfriend." Roman huffed at him. Remus stuck his tongue out at his brother, "Screw you guys! you're so stupid and boring!" 

"What are you even trying to do here? are you mad at us? are you attempting to offend us?" Logan questioned. Remus growled, yes, actually. 

"Look, just calm down, okay? believe it or not, walking up to people in the middle of the hallway and yelling howdy like a cowboy at them isn't always the best pick up line. Plus, you don't know his sexuality. So, for now, chill out, and if you see him again, act atleast semi-normal." Roman said with a sigh. 

Remus pouted, "But that's boring!" Roman rolled his eyes, "Do you want him to never speak to you again?" 

Remus huffed and crossed his arms, " _Fine._ " 

\--

Remus was dying to see Dee again, but he had no such luck for the next few days. He tried, but it was almost like the shorter boy was trying to hide. 

He never saw him anywhere. Well, that was until the day he was walking around, bored out of his mind since had some free time. He wondered outside, planning to go find some innocent people to give nightmares, but stopped when he heard voices behind the bleachers. 

He couldn't make out much, but one thing he could hear was " _Fucking patchy weirdo._ " and that instantly caught his attention. 

He moved towards the sound, and it wasn't long before he found it. "You know, i really can't be bothered to deal with this shit." Dee sighed, picking his backpack up off the floor, where it had presumably been thrown down.

"Oh, you're a big talker now? Do you get some confidence from your mommy telling you your a handsome boy?" One of the few stereotypical jerk jock guys teased. 

Dee suddenly froze. The jock smirked, "Oh, did i hit a nerve? your mommy think your an ugly weirdo too?" 

"She's dead." Dee deadpanned. The guy laughed, "Must of died from the disappointment of having you as her pussy son." 

"Oh david, if people died from having disappointing sons you're parents, grandparents and entire bloodline would of died the second your dad fucked your mom." Remus said, announcing himself onto the scene. 

The guy glared at him, then looked back to Dee, "Your fag boyfriend came to save your fag ass did he? of course the two weirdos came together." 

Remus didn't hesitate to sucker punch him in the stomach, causing the jock to double over. "Oh this is fun! if you want, we can keep going. I've been looking for some new people's teeth to rip out and add to my collection!" 

The two other guys looked at eachother, then walked off. There was one rule that the entire school followed, and that was, don't get into shit with Remus fucking Kingsley. 

Remus was proud of the reputation he had built up, everyone in the school hated him but there was that layer of fear their too, from all of the stunts Remus had pulled somehow never getting caught and expelled. 

He turned to Dee and grinned, the other looking back at him with a mix of shock and confusion, and honestly, he was somewhat impressed. 

\--

"I didn't need you to come save me like some cliche romance film you know." Dee said. They were walking down the halls, Dee immediately noticed that people weren't staring at him or his weird features, but instead they were staring at Remus.

Remus hummed, "Maybe not, but it was fun! besides, no one can blame you, you were outnumbered." 

Dee shrugged, "To be honest, they're all bark and no bite anyways. They say shit to your face, give you a punch if they're feeling like big boys, and then fuck off. With this face, i've been dealing with it for years." 

"I don't get it. I think you're beautiful." Remus said, you could hear in his voice that he meant it. Dee raised an eyebrow, "They're right, you're the weirdest person on this whole planet." 

Remus grinned, "That's what makes me the best!" Dee rolled his eyes, but with a small smile on his face. 

"Alright, alright... so, you actually want to be my friend or some shit? not sure how i feel about it, i've never really done friends." 

"Well, i kinda of have friends, but they're mostly just my brother's friends. They don't really like me, cause' i'm brave enough to be interesting and they're all boring and soft as marshmallows." Remus said chirpily. 

Dee smirked, "Well, i wouldn't say i'm a marshmallow." 

"Really? but you're small and you sure you look like something i could eat right up!" Remus said with a grin.

Dee went red, turning his face away quickly. "You're so dirty minded." He mumbled.

"I could of meant it in another way, you're the one who's dirty minded." Remus said matter-of-factly. Dee turned his head back and gave Remus a death stare.

"Don't give me that look, i can do it the way you were thinking if that's what you want." Remus said with a wink. Dee stuck his tongue out in disgust, "I'm literally fifteen." 

"Pish posh, some people have reached sexual maturity at that age. I did when i was fourteen!" 

"How old are you now?" Dee asked, raising an eyebrow. "Sixteen! two years of literally nothing!" 

"That's because most people our age aren't ready for that shit." Dee said, rolling his eyes. 

"People are boring." Remus huffed. Dee wanted to roll his eyes again, "I'm regretting this decision to be your friend." 

Remus grinned at him, "Don't worry, i'm the best companion you could ever have!" 

"I doubt that." Dee mumbled to himself, but he was smiling, even if was the weirdest grossest person on the planet, he alteast finally had a friend. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy! this was short ik, it's hard to make long first chapters for me. I'm so gonna regret posting this fic now and trying to do two at once lmAO-


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I tried to tell myself to wait to post this so i have a little stock but i have no self control so here it is lmao- <3
> 
> Texting and the meeting of friends happen. Also, Remus is big gay

Remus had bugged Dee until he got his phone number, and immediately lost what little impulse control he had, spamming the other with messages of his gross and intrusive thoughts.

**Trash Rat:**   
**If i pull my eyeball out, what would it look like in my hand?**

**The Green Eyed Man:**   
**Not sure, but i don't recommend it. Why is my name that?**

**Trash Rat:**   
**It's from bolt! my brother loves that movie so i've ended up watching it way to many times**

**The Green Eyed Man:**   
**I have to know, what kind of movies do you enjoy?**

**Trash Rat:**   
**Horror films, preferably ones where they get killed while they're having sex**

**The Green Eyed Man:**   
**Hm, i prefer my horror films without sex and with more axe murdering**

**Trash Rat:**   
**Come over, we can binge some shitty horror films together**

**The Green Eyed Man:**   
**Really? isn't a bit soon to like do that shit? i'm telling you i don't know how friends work. Plus, i don't even know where you live weirdo.**

**Trash Rat:**   
**I don't care, we've been friends for like, a whole two weeks now! i'll tell you the address, cmoonnn!**

**The Green Eyed Man:**   
**Can't rn, i'll see u on monday though**

**Trash Rat:**   
**Ugh fine. bye baby!**

**The Green Eyed Man:**   
**Never call me that again.**

Dee sighed, smiling at his phone before putting it down on the bathroom counter. He looked up at the mirror, there was no way the black eye was going to clear up before monday. 

Luckily, he had become skilled at covering them up with makeup, even with his vitiligo. No one ever noticed before, he just hoped that Remus didn't notice either.

\--

"Are you sure...?" Patton asked cautiously. Remus nodded his head quickly, almost giving himself a headache in the process, "Yes! i want you guys to meet him!"

"Remus, he literally decided to be _your_ friend, out of everyone in this whole school, _you._ " Roman said, not even attempting to hide his judgement. 

"Just meet him!" Remus insisted, Roman barely believed him when he first said he made friends with the new kid. 

_"After that introduction?"_

Roman rolled his eyes, "Fine, we'll meet him." Remus grinned, now he just had to convince Dee to meet them. 

"What? you want me to meet all of them? at once?" Dee looking up at Remus in disbelief. 

"Oh come on, you're not shy or anything!" Remus whined. "Yeah but like... still! i know you don't think i'm weird or ugly for whatever reason, but they probably will." 

"I won't let them! if they say anything, i'll pull their nipples off!" Remus said, his convincing wasn't great. 

Dee sighed, "Okay, i guess i can." Remus grinned and pulled him into a hug. The other immediately stiffened, so Remus let go. "You good?" 

"Yeah.... so uhm, how... are we doing this?" Dee asked, avoiding eye contact. Remus hummed, "Well, it's almost lunch. I'll just bring you to their table!" 

"Uh, sure i guess." 

\-- 

Dee wasn't sure what to expect, he had seen the group briefly but seeing them up close was different.

He first noticed Roman, due to his similar features to Remus, although they weren't identical twins. Roman's hair was a deep red, presumably from hair dye on what was brown hair like Remus'. His skin was tan and his eyes were amber. 

The boy next to him was full on emo, probably Virgil from what Remus told him. Pale skin littered with freckles, icy blue eyes and raven hair, a very rare combo. He wore a purple and black hoodie, and black ripped skinny jeans, plus he had eyeshadow and a few ear piercings too. 

Next to him was the complete opposite. The literal embodiment of the word puffball. Fluffy blonde hair, brown eyes and golden framed round glasses. His outfit was a light blue sweater with a cat face on, a white shirt underneath, denim shorts and grey sneakers. 

Across from the puffball was somehow, another opposite. Dark brown hair with probably a lot of gel in, black rimmed glasses, blue eyes and a black button up shirt, _with a tie_. Who wears a tie when you don't need to?!

Remus sat down and pulled Dee down with him, "Ta-da! isn't my angel gorgeous?" Dee rolled his eyes, "I swear to god you better stop saying things like that."

"If it's that he just won't leave you alone, i can get him too." Roman said, leaning over the table towards Dee.

"Shut up you dumb hoe. He's spends time with me because he wants to! Right deedee?" Remus turned to Dee. 

"Weirdly enough, yeah. I think after fifteen years of having no friends i must of gotten so desperate that i just accepted the first weirdo to show up, which just so happened to be the lovely Remus here." Dee said sarcastically. 

"Told you, he's already smitten on me!" Remus hooked an arm around Dee's waist, pulling him into an awkward side hug. Remus noted that Dee always stiffened up whenever Remus touched him, so he didn't keep his hold very long.

"Well i think it's lovely! everyone needs a friend." Patton said with a smile. Dee frowned, "Couldn't you guys of been being Remus' friends this entire time?" 

Silence fell upon the table as they all stared at him. Dee blinked and leaned back, "Sorry, that just slipped." 

"We've never particularly... clicked with Remus. If he needed us, of course we'd always be there! but we just... don't really mix?" Patton said, trying to offer an explanation. 

Dee gave him an indecipherable look, then turned away. Overall, not the worst meeting of different friends ever.

\--

**The Green Eyed Man:**   
**What's up with emo and prince wannabe?**

**Trash Rat:**   
**U mean my bro and virgin? their dating or whatever, for some reason the emo likes my weird ass brother**

**The Green Eyed Man:**   
**You're brother looks like one of those dumb ass jocks, i'm surprised he's openly gay like that**

**Trash Rat:**   
**Wdym?**

**The Green Eyed Man:**   
**Isn't he worried about anyone?**

**Trash Rat:**   
**There's some homophobes in the school yeah but like, he can defend himself. Plus, i'm his brother so no one really bothers him anyways**

**The Green Eyed Man:**   
**Pft, ah yes, Remus, the bad luck charm**

**Trash Rat:**   
**I'm bad luck for bastards, i'm good luck for gorgeous boys like you**

**The Green Eyed Man:**   
**You ever gonna stop your awful flirting?**

**Trash Rat:**   
**Not until i win you over**

**The Green Eyed Man:**   
**Ah, i see, forever then. Well, atleast get better at it if i'm going to have put up with this**

**Trash Rat:**   
**You wound me, my beautiful snake!**

**The Green Eyed Man:**   
**Snake?**

**Trash Rat:**   
**idk you just remind me of a snake**

**The Green Eyed Man:**   
**Gee, thanks.**

**Trash Rat:**   
**You're welcome! can you accept my invitation to come over and binge horror films yet?**

**The Green Eyed Man:**   
**Eh, not sure i want to be in the same room as you when we aren't surrounded by 50 other kids**

**Trash Rat:**   
**I'll only fuck you if you want me too, consent is important**

**The Green Eyed Man:**   
**And, i'm gone. Bye you trash goblin**

Remus rolled his eyes, he would get that movie date eventually. For now, he could binge them on his own, while laughing at the people dying! 

Although, he did wonder what Dee was always so busy with. I mean, there's homework and all, but outside of school, it was like Dee was constantly busy doing something. 

Remus asked to hang out a few times and got vague no answers. It was annoying, Remus gets bored! But, he could just keep bothering Dee till he had some free time.

It's not like a normal fifteen year old has a crazy work schedule or anything, Remus had no idea what was keeping him occupied 24/7.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am filled with so much angst that i need 2 full stories to take it all out on-


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group are going to the movies and Remus and Dee tag along

"So, saturday night?" Logan repeated, waiting for confirmation. The others nodded, they were planning on going to the movies together. 

"This'll be so much funn!" Patton said excitedly. "What will be?" Remus asked, suddenly popping up behind the group. 

They all jumped, startled by his sudden appearance. "Remus!" Roman scolded, "Don't do that!"

Remus grinned, "But it's _funny_. One day, i'm gonna show up behind you and hit you over the head so they all think you died!" 

Roman sighed heavily, "Why, _why_ are you my brother?" Remus shrugged, "So, anyways, what you guys talkin' about?" 

They exchanged a look, they could just stay quiet or tell him a lie, but he would know, (Remus _always_ knew, he was like some sort of freaky lie detector) and if they told him the truth, their saturday night would probably end up ruined. 

"Uh... movies?" Patton said, he couldn't lie to save his life, so he just gave up the truth instead. "Ooo, are you guys going to go see something?" Remus asked, grin widening. 

"Yes." Virgil said, hoping his quick and cold tone would give the idea Remus was _not_ invited. 

"Can i come? i want to bring DeeDee, he never gets out anywhere by the sound of it." Remus asked, so much for him getting the hint. 

"Really? he doesn't seem all that introverted." Roman said. Remus shrugged, "He's not, guess he's just a busy bee." 

"Well, i think it'd be wonderful if you two came! all six of us together!" Patton said, smiling at the wild twin. 

"Great! i'll ask him." Remus said with a grin, waving to them before practically skipping away. 

"Goddamnit! he wasn't supposed to be there!" Virgil groaned. "Don't worry, hopefully Dee will be there to distract him." Roman said with a sigh. 

"I love Remus, but he's very... loud, and wild... and probably not good in a movie theatre." Patton said slowly. Virgil groaned once more and buried his face into his boyfriends shirt, "I hate your brother so much." 

Roman sighed, "Yeah.... i think everyone does." Logan hummed, "Well, clearly not everyone." He moved his gaze over to Dee, who had just been attacked by Remus hugging him as he walked down the hall. 

"Everyone but that nut-job." Roman corrected, rolling his eyes heavily. 

\--

**Trash Rat:**   
**Wanna join me and my brothers friends at the movies on saturday?**

**The Green Eyed Man:**   
**Uh, you sure they want me there?**

**Trash Rat:**   
**Eh, they don't want me there really, so we're basically just crashing their evening**

**The Green Eyed Man:**   
**Oh great. Maybe, i'll have to see.**

**Trash Rat:**   
**What's keepin you so busy snake boy?**

**The Green Eyed Man:**   
**Life, Remus.**

**Trash Rat:**   
**Just come! what, are your parents like super strict or something?**

**The Green Eyed Man:**   
**I guess you could say that. I just don't have a lot of free time, you know?**

**Trash Rat:**   
**But i only see you during school, and school is awful :(**

**The Green Eyed Man:**   
**Pft. You're right there, school is hell. I'll try my best, okay?**

**Trash Rat:**   
**Yayyyy! later, my marshmallow!**

**The Green Eyed Man:**   
**Ugh, the petname horror.**

**Trash Rat:**   
**you love it really, don't lie.**

Don't lie. 

\--

The movie theatre was surpsingly empty for a saturday night, so they all manged to get seats together. (well, i say managed, apart from Patton, no one wanted Remus anywhere near them)

Just for the sake of it though, (and because of the practically empty row they were sat in) Dee and Remus were sat one seat away from the others. 

Dee was glad for the space between him and Remus' friends, he knew they didn't really like him, and honestly, he wasn't the biggest fans of them either.

It wasn't long into the film that Dee noticed Remus fidgeting. "You good?" Dee asked. "Yeah, i just find it hard to stay still for too long." Remus mumbled back. 

Dee nodded, "Alright." Remus kept fidgeting until he couldn't take it anymore and got up to go walk around for a while. 

Roman huffed, "God, why can't you just sit still?" Dee glared at him, "He can't just _sit still_ , actually." 

Roman rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to the movie. After a short while, Remus came back and sat down again. "What did i miss?" He asked.

Dee shrugged, "Cliche romance movie things. The boy and the girl kissed, the girl has a boyfriend oh no, the boys are probably going to fight with their shirts off or something."

"Oo! shirtless boys, i can get behind that." Remus said with a grin. Dee rolled his eyes with a slight smile, "Of course you can." 

The movie continued, throwing in every dumb cliche possible while Dee and Remus laughed at it's stupidity.

Then, about an hour in, Dee's phone rang. "I gotta take this." He mumbled to Remus before getting up and hurrying out of the theatre. 

Remus raised an eyebrow, but shrugged it off. Dee answered the call as fast as he could, "What?"

_"Don't be so rude, brat. Where the fuck are you?"_

"I'm at the movies with some friends."

_"Why didn't you tell me!?"_

"Because i knew you would say no?" 

_"Ugh! get back here."_

"Right now?"

_"Yes right now! i don't care who your with or what the hell you're doing, movies or not, you did not have permission to leave!"_

"Wow, well, congrats on being sober enough to speak properly for once."

_"NOW."_

"Okay okay, i'll leave." Dee sighed and hung up the phone. He quickly went back inside and back up to the seats the others were in. 

"I have to go, family thing." Dee whispered to Remus. "Right now?" Remus asked, questioning look on his face. 

"Sorry, i have to." Dee said with another sigh. Remus looked at him for a moment before speaking again, "Alright. Bye." 

Dee gave a quick wave before leaving again. Patton leaned over the seat between them, "Is everything okay?" 

Remus shrugged, "He has to go apparently, family thing." Patton looked worried, "I hope everything's fine with his family." 

Remus shrugged once more, all he knew was that one of Dee's parents was apparently dead, and the other didn't sound like much of a riot either. "I hope so too." 

\--

Remus tried texting Dee when he got home, but got no reply. He passed Roman in the kitchen, "Hey, what happened to Dee?"

Remus looked up at him, "Since when do you care?" Roman rolled his eyes, "I'm not heartless, he ran out pretty quick and Patton looked worried, something must be up."

Remus sighed, "I don't know. All i got was 'family thing'." Roman raised an eyebrow, "That's... vague."

"Yeah, i know. I'll see him on monday at least, but i hope i get a text reply before then." 

Roman took a bottle of water out of the fridge and looked at Remus silently for a moment. "You... actually care about him, don't you?"

Remus rolled his eyes, "Uh, yeah, duh." 

"Well i mean, i've never really seen you care about anyone genuinely." Roman shrugged. 

"Well, i do care about him. And i want to know he's okay." Remus huffed. Roman sighed, "Alright alright. Let me know if he texts you back okay? So i can calm Patton down."

"Yeah fine, i will." Roman nodded and walked out of the kitchen, sparing a glance back at his brother before he fully walked away.

"Guess i was wrong about him..." Roman mumbled to himself. 

Remus checked his phone once more, but no reply. Monday couldn't come soon enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yikesyikesyikesyikersyikes- despite how it may seem like Remus is going to catch on fast, i assure you.... he's an idiot. So.... yayyyyy-


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These chapters are so short i'm sorry! writing stories like these is pretty difficult, cuz like, i wanna make it somewhat realistic, but i also just want Remus to SAve hiM aLReady- I have a janus is baby problem- 
> 
> Remus finds out if Dee is okay, and Dee thinks about stuff.

Remus tapped his fingers on his locker door, head turning constantly, he was usually fidgety, but this was a new level. He had already taken a few walks up and down the hallway, he just couldn't stay still.

Nervous wasn't the right word, Remus didn't get nervous, ever. It was more... impatience. He went to bother Roman and the others but they quickly escaped, and Remus didn't want to leave the hall by the door. 

He was never like this, but he just couldn't shake the bad feeling in his gut. And his gut was never wrong, he knew it was a bad idea to eat deodorant, his gut said so, and he did get very sick! It was still worth it though, seeing his dad and brothers faces. Plus it tasted pretty good.

His gut was much more sensible than he'd like, so he tended to ignore it. I mean, being sensible and responsible is for boring people! Remus lived on an adrenaline rush of doing stupid things your not supposed to. 

Only thing was, this was different. It was a bad gut feeling about him, it was a bad gut feeling about Dee. Although that was another thing, usually Remus couldn't care less what happened to others, but in the past few weeks he had become attached to the smaller boy. 

Attached was definitely the right word. Remus didn't just like a person, you were either his victim or one of his favourite people, there was no inbetween. 

And 99% of people were victims of his destructive nature, lack of self control and persistent intrusive thoughts he liked to test out. No one ever got too hurt atleast. 

But Dee had fallen in the 1% of people he actually liked, and the twisting bad feeling in his guts was not going away. Finally, after what felt like centuries, he saw Dee walk into the school.

"Deedee!" He chirped as he bounced over. He went in for a hug but Dee stopped him, "No hugs." Remus blinked, "Whyyyy?" He made a pouty face but Dee only rolled his eyes. 

"Fine! no hugs." Dee sighed, "I don't understand why you like to hug so much anyways." 

Remus shrugged, "I just like lots of touching! in all ways!" He grinned. Dee rolled his eyes again, "God.. i wonder why i'm your friend, i really do." 

"Every morning, i get greeted with this. You're always here, it's like you wait around or something." Dee mumbled. "I do!" Remus said. 

Dee's head shot up to look at him, "What?" Remus shrugged once again, "I like to wait, well, actually, i hate waiting, but when i talk to you i get to let out all of the gross things that having been running through my mind all morning!" 

Dee blinked, "Why don't you just.... write them all down or something?" Remus hummed, "I could, but no one would read it and be disgusted!"

"That's fair. But still, the fact you actually wait for me is kind of weird." Remus titled his head in confusion, "Why is that weird?" 

Dee scoffed, "Uhm, because... there's an entire school of people here you could be torturing with your nasty-ness?" 

"But i like torturing you with it!" Remus said, a grin spead across his face, "I can torture you in another way if you want."

"For the a hundredth time, stop this." Dee said with a heavy sigh.

"NEVER!" Remus cried out. He grinned, Dee was okay, and everything was fine.

\--

**Trash rat:**  
**I didn't get any hugs from you all day :(**

**DeeDee:**  
**Oh no, are you going to melt away?**

**Trash rat:**  
**maybe**

**DeeDee:**  
**good. why did you change my name again?**

**Trash rat:**  
**idk bcuz i got bored, anyways what shit was goin on with ur fam anyways?**

**DeeDee:**  
**Kinda personal stuff rem**

**Trash rat:**  
**sos**

**DeeDee:**  
**God you're a disaster**

**Trash rat:**  
**thanks baby**

**DeeDee:**  
**why do i text you?**

**Trash rat:**  
**because i'm sexy**

**DeeDee:**  
**are you sure about that?**

**Trash rat:**  
**yes, do you want nudes?**

**DeeDee:**  
**definitely not.**

**Trash rat:**  
**your missing out**

**DeeDee:**  
**hate to be that guy, but, *you're**

**Trash rat:**  
**i never thought i'd be the one to leave our conversations first yet you have betrayed me in a way that makes me unable to continue talking to you, goodbye Dee.**

**DeeDee:**  
**i literally can't believe you even know what half of those words mean, i'm impressed**

**Trash rat:**  
**i'm smarter than you think snake butt!**

**DeeDee:**  
**i doubt that, but sure**

**Trash rat:**  
**smarter than you**

**DeeDee:**  
**surree you are smart boy**

**Trash rat:**  
**your mean**

**DeeDee:**  
**ouch, that hurt**

**Trash rat:**  
**just kidding you could punch me in the face and i'd thank you**

**DeeDee:**  
**you are a horny kinky horrible disaster**

**Trash rat:**  
**I know**

**DeeDee:**  
**well, i'm done here.**

**Trash rat:**  
**toodles! by the way, your ass looked good in those jeans today**

**DeeDee:**  
**gee thanks, okay bye.**

Talking to Remus was exhausting at times, but honestly, the way everything he said took over your entire brain was good for Dee, he needed a constant distraction.

Remus' hugs weren't exactly his favourite thing, he'd never been a hugger after all, but atleast they showed that Remus cared a little. 

Wrapping his head around the fact that Remus actually cared was a difficult one, Dee hadn't quite gotten to grips with it yet. After all, Remus seemed like the type of person who was unreliable and didn't really care about anyone.

Dee still had a suspicion that Remus would, to put in the only way i can think of, quit it when he realised he wasn't open to hit it. 

But he pushed it aside, even if Remus didn't plan on sticking around, he could still enjoy having a friend while it lasted, even if it was the weirdest person in the world.

He poked a finger to his rib, and immediately winced, there was no way he could of let Remus hug him. He'd become extremely good at lying, but there was no realistic way you accidentally bruised your ribs like that.

It had been hard enough to actually get through the day, it hurt like hell. He put his phone down and stared up at the ceiling, focusing on the same crack he always did.

There was nothing special about it, just a crack, he didn't even know how it happened. But he still tended to just stare up at it, letting all of the thoughts he spent the day pushing off to run through his mind.

Sure, he could do something about the situation. Tell someone, god knows he had enough proof, but he just didn't have the motivation too. Police would end up getting involved and he'd most likely end up in foster care, which he definitely didn't want. 

It wasn't that he really blamed himself or felt like he deserved it, ~~Sometimes it felt like that~~ , it's just he didn't have enough drive to go through all of the drama and changes that would come with telling someone.

He'd just, live with it till he could move out. Just, deal with the drunken rage, make sure it stays hidden and go on with his day. He knew it was a pretty fucked up normal, but he couldn't find a reason to try and change it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ereourgeughgeijgeu  
> do you like this texting thing i'm doing? i think its a pretty interesting way of showing them communicate, just cuz of how i think a teenage Dee and Remus would talk to eachother, ya know? idk man lel-
> 
> everything might not make sense rn but hopefully it will when everything comes into light later on in the story, so yeah- toodles!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman and the others won't let Remus join their sleepover, so Remus decides to bug Dee over so he can have his own.

**Trash rat:**   
**Deeeee! DeEEEE!**

**DeeDee:**   
**what?**

**Trash Rat:**   
**My brothers friends are having a fucking sleepover like twelve year old girls**

**DeeDee:**   
**so?**

**Trash Rat:**   
**i wanna join but they won't let me :((**

**DeeDee:**   
**pfftt- just barge in and be Remus**

**Trash Rat:**   
**i tried but they just ignored me! it's no fun if i get ignored!**

**DeeDee:**   
**why are you texting me about it?**

**Trash Rat:**   
**come over here so we can have our own sleepover!**

**DeeDee:**   
**Remus i can't just suddenly come over for a damn sleepover**

**Trash Rat:**   
**sneeeakkk outtttt!**

**DeeDee:**   
**no.**

**Trash Rat:**   
**wow dee, didn't know you were so boring. Mr. goody-two-shoes are you? no rules broken by perfect deedee?**

**DeeDee:**   
**definitely not, but i can't sneak out Remus. Sorry.**

**Trash Rat:**   
**Whyyy? no one has to knowwwww! just, sneak out the window**

**DeeDee:**   
**first, i'm on the second floor. Second, the windows are locked.**

**Trash Rat:**   
**uhm, get the window key? also, jump you coward**

**DeeDee:**   
**seriously no Remus.**

Dee's head suddenly shot up as the sound of glass breaking downstairs, then slamming down, then... snoring. He let out a sigh.

**DeeDee:**   
**Okay, maybe i can... what's your address?**

\--

So that's how Dee found himself standing outside Remus' house. It was decently sized, although not huge. Dee knew that Remus obviously had his twin Roman, and he had their single dad, Remus said it was nothing bad, his parents just got divorced when they were younger and he saw his mother at weekends.

 _He's lucky he has his mom..._ Dee thought to himself. A memory flashed past him but he refused to think about it right then, pushing forward to knock on the door. 

It opened shockingly fast, Remus standing there with a huge grin on his face. "DeeDee!" He pulled Dee inside, "Happy one month friendaversary!"

Dee laughed and raised an eyebrow, "Friendaversary?" Remus nodded, "Yeppers! we've been best friends for a whole month now!" 

"So.. we've been best friends since the day we met?" Dee asked. Remus nodded once more, "Of course we have!" 

"Right, of course." Dee smirked and rolled his eyes. Remus grabbed his hand and begun pulling him up the stairs, "I have a shit ton of horror films!" 

"How many of them are full of sex scenes?" Dee asked. Remus grinned even wider, "All of them! apart from one, which is full of axe murdering!"

"Great, i love some good old axe murdering." Before going into Remus' room, Remus dragged him over to Roman's. The door was closed, but he could hear voices inside. 

There was a lot of squealing, presumably from Patton, it sounded like they were playing truth or dare. "No one ever wants to play t or d with me." Remus mumbled. 

"Remus, that's because no one wants to be dared to fuck eachother." Dee said with a heavy sigh. Remus pouted, "But i'm a matchmaker! i'm just helping people come together! besides, i get way more specific than that. I'm a kink reader, i know exactly want people want-"

Dee cut him off, "No, shush, stop it." Remus grinned, "Don't want me to expose you?" Dee went red, "Remus! i don't even think about that shit. As horrifying as this is to say, you literally know more than i do." 

Remus wiggled his eyebrows, "So if we did do it, i'd be the one in charge then, hm? because i know all your kinky kinks? wouldn't it be fun if i just surprised you with them?" Dee sighed even heavier, "Shut up." 

"Hey, Remus are you hanging outside the door?!" They heard Roman's voice hiss before the door swung open. Roman blinked, surprised to see Dee standing there, still red as a tomato. 

"Uh... listen, i don't want to know. Just leave." Roman said, shaking his head and sighing. Remus grinned, "We're leaving! if you hear anything, my advice is to stay away!"

"Remus we are _not_ having sex!" 

\--

It was a few hours later, and after three trashy movies full of sex scenes, the two were finally watching a decent horror film. 

"But those two guys could be boning right now." Remus whispered. Dee rolled his eyes, "Remus, this is supposed to be like, an actual horror film. Those others were basically pornos." 

"But they were pornos where people died, my favourite kind."

"You horny weirdo." Remus grabbed a handful of popcorn from the bowl he made and threw them at Dee. "Hey!" Dee, well, he would of hissed, but he was smiling. 

He grabbed it a few stray pieces of threw them back but Remus was ahead of him, and opened his mouth to catch them. Dee snickered, "Can't believe you caught that."

"You try!" Remus said, grabbing another handful and tossing them. Dee tried, but failed miserably. He was laughing even more now, maybe from embarassment or maybe just from the stupidity of it. 

Remus didn't care, he loved that laugh. Honestly, it meant more to him than any intimacy could. They kept tossing bits of popcorn at eachother, laughter filling the air until popcorn was all over the bed.

"Okay okay, shouldn't we clean this up?" Dee said, trying to get himself to stop laughing. "I guess so, no worries though." Remus shrugged. 

"Won't your dad be mad?" Dee asked, picking up a few pieces from around him. Remus shrugged once more, "He's not really uptight about this kind of stuff." 

"Oh... okay. You sure?" Dee asked, seeming reproachful. Remus sat up from his previous lying on his stomach position, "Yeah, it's chill. He knows i'll still clean it up, eventually. You good?"

"Yeah, yeah..." Dee said, he cupped the popcorn in his hand, "Uh... should we throw this away? i can't imagine your bed is the cleanest." 

Remus huffed, "It's perfectly clean! cleaner than a babys bottom!" Dee raised an eyebrow, "Baby's bottoms aren't clean, Remus."

Remus smirked, and Dee had the urge to get up off of the god-knows-what-happened-to-it bed, but he ignored it, he was just sat on the edge of the bed anyways. 

There was a loud scream from the screen and they both realised the movie was still playing. "Oh come on, you can do better than that axe murderer. She's barely bleeding." Dee scoffed. 

Remus cackled and threw some of the popcorn off his sheets into his mouth, "It's still good!" He said through chewing. Dee rolled his eyes, but was smiling still. 

A while later, and there was a knock on the door. "What's up hoe?" Remus called. The door opened and Roman walked in, rolling his eyes. "Can you guys quiet down? Logan is insisting we go to bed, because he's a party pooper." 

Remus chuckled, "But we're having so much fun being loud!" He said, wrapping an arm around Dee's waist and pulling him closer. Roman rolled his eyes again, "Be quiet." 

He left, shooting a glare Remus' way. "Wowie, and he's calling Logan the party pooper!" Remus said. "Uh.. Remus, can you like... let go?" Dee asked. 

Remus pouted, "Why though? come on! we're not strangers, you trust me!" Dee shrugged, "I just... i don't know.. i'm not used to psychical contact i guess." 

"How much are you not used to it? when was the last time someone gave you a proper huggg?!" Remus gasped. Dee rolled his eyes, "I don't know, like, when i was six." 

Remus gasped again, "That's a tragedy!" He let go and stood up, he grabbed Dee's arm and pulled him up. Dee tugged his arm away almost like an instinct, "Uh, what are you doing-?" 

He was cut off by Remus pulling him into a tight hug, arms wrapping around the smaller boy, "Your so tiny." Remus whispered. Dee was completely stiff, it was a strangely innocent form of contact coming from Remus. 

Slowly, he relaxed, putting an arm around the other, "No i'm not." He whispered back. Remus giggled, "Yeah, you are." 

It went quiet, cautiously, Dee made the best of the awkward height difference and leaned his head against Remus' chest. "You know, logie's been on about this thing called touch starvation a few times.. apparently, humans need psychical contact more than you think." Remus mumbled. 

"That's the only reason he ever lets Patton hug him." He added. Dee laughed quietly, it felt like the entire moment would be ruined if either one of them were too loud. 

"Dee?" 

"...Yeah?"

"... I don't think i've innocently hugged anyone like this since _i_ was six." 

"Anddd you ruined it!" Dee sighed, pulling away. "Whattt? i'm just sayin'!" Dee sighed heavily, "God, i'm tired."

"Go to sleep then, silly." 

"Sleep? Who's she, never heard of her." 

"Yeah... you look like a raccoon."

\--

"Good morning kids! you have a fun sleepover?" Roman and Remus' dad asked as Roman, Virgil, Patton and Logan came into the kitchen. "Yeah, it was fun." Roman answered with a smile.

"I made some waffles, you guys want some?" He asked. Roman nodded, "Definitely, you guys?" The other three nodded in agreement. They sat around the table, all eating waffles. 

"Remus was being pretty loud, i hope it didn't disturb you guys." Mr. Kingsley said. Roman groaned, "He was doing it on purpose, i know he was. Plus the added sound of Dee wasn't helping." 

Mr. Kingsley blinked, "Dee?" The four exchanged looks, "You.. didn't know he was here?" Patton asked. Mr. Kingsley shook his head, "No, that's Remus' friend right? he's always talking about him. He's here?"

"Yeah, him and Remus were watching horror films or something. Did you not hear him? his laugh is almost as deafening as Remus'." Roman scoffed. Mr. Kingsley frowned, "Don't say that Roman. Anyways, no, i had no idea. They just had a sort of impromptu sleepover?"

"Guess so." Roman shrugged. Mr. Kingsley hummed, he of course, knew his son was.... unique. He also knew, just from the way Remus talked about him, that Dee was very important to him. He stood up and headed up the stairs. 

"Yikes." Virgil mumbled, shoving waffle into his mouth. 

"Remus?" The father knocked on the door. A moment later, Remus opened up the door, "Wassup pops?" 

"Well, Roman and his friends said you had your friend Dee over here last night. Remus, you know i'm okay with you having friends over, but you have to tell me." Mr. Kingsley sighed. 

"Roman wouldn't let me join his sleepover so i decided to have my own!" Remus chirped. "Is he still here or did he go home?" Remus didn't answer verbally, instead letting his door swing fully open to reveal Dee curled up in the bed. 

Remus' dad sighed again, "Do his parents or guardian know he's here?" Remus gave him a look that he knew meant no. 

"Remus."

"It was a sneaky spooky horror film sleepover!" 

Mr. Kingsley sighed for a third time, there was a lot of sighing involved when Remus was your son, he loved him truly, but it was a lot of work. "Just don't do it again, okay? tell me next time, and also make sure his parents know he's here." 

Remus nodded, he wished it was a weekend but unfortunately it was a friday so he reluctantly woke Dee up. The other had looked so cute all curled up and asleep! 

"Good morning gorgeous." Remus said. Dee sighed, "I hate you." 

"You know you love me." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
> 
> me a few months ago: Omg i can barely write the word sex lmao
> 
> me now: Remus and Dee havin a chill conversation about pornos- 
> 
> good job i know i will forever be incapable of writing smut- pfttt anyways- 
> 
> ngl i imagine Remus did something more like.... literally like that bed is fucking radioactive or some shit than something dirty lmao- okay bye


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, this story was supposed to be longer, but it'll probably end up only being like 15 chapters over all. I think i have slowburn disease from my other story and the urge to rush this one is hard- i'm trying not to but i can't draw it out much, i just can't rip-
> 
> Anyways, Dee is having a bad few days, and Remus despises his brother.
> 
> Warnings: Panic attack, mention of death, car accidents

_One second, everything was normal. Dee - well, he was still Janus back then - was seven, sat in the back of the car. His mom was driving, humming along to the music on the radio._

_She turned her head to look at him in the back, "You look like you're falling asleep back there." She laughed. A yawn escaped Dee, and he sleepily laughed._

_"We'll be home soon, okay?" She said with a fond smile. Dee nodded, suddenly he heard a car horn from somewhere around them, it was only a split second he saw the car infront of them before everything went black._

_The next thing he knew, he was in the hospital. The only person there was his father, who gave him a look of disgust before leaving the room._

Dee awoke suddenly. It wasn't exactly a nightmare, it was a flashback, but he got them a lot. His sleep schedule was absolutely fucked, the last time he had gotten a proper night of sleep was weeks ago when he had slept over at Remus'. 

He managed to get back without being noticed, but it didn't help in the fact that Remus kept asking him to go back, and Dee didn't want to risk it. He sighed and dragged himself out of bed, it was like a rock anyways, and despite the fact it wasn't even five yet, he got ready for the day.

He would of just left the house, but there was the risk of being noticed gone before he was supposed to be in school. Dee had never been able to figure out why someone would want freak control like that, to then only get completely wasted and become a raging monster and wreck everything.

Mysterious how the minds of broken people work, Dee didn't understand how his own mind worked either. He lied and acted his way through outside life, but he had no idea why. What was he pretending for? 

It wasn't a survival instinct, was it? or was it? He didn't feel like he was trying to keep himself afloat. It wasn't that he was scared of what would happen to him psychically if he told someone, he didn't care at that point, maybe he was just hanging onto to the normality of things. 

If he ended up in foster care, he would probably be moved to a different town or city. School wasn't an issue before, he had to move from his last one because someone almost found out, but now he didn't want to lose his only ever friend. And he'd always lived in the same city, maybe he just was holding onto something he knew.

But alas, he didn't know. All he knew was he didn't have the energy or motivation to fight back or help himself, but he had enough to keep up a lie. He could mostly hide the bruises, but whenever someone did find one it was always lie after lie. 

No one could tell, he'd always been a freakishly good liar. Sometimes he couldn't even tell if he was lying. 

He didn't even realise how long he had been sat there, staring at nothing before he heard a yell. "Get to school!" 

He sighed and grabbed his bag, then left the house without a goodbye. He never said goodbye.

\--

To his surprise, when he arrived at school Remus didn't look as energetic as usual. "You okay?" He asked. 

"Hm?" Remus looked down at him, "Oh. Yeah i'm okay, just... me and Roman had an argument this morning, and dad took his side." He furrowed his brows and mumbled, "Like always.." 

"God, your brother is like... the actual worst." Dee said. Remus snickered, "Yeah he is." 

A silence fell between the two. Remus still looked off, so Dee did something he never thought he would, "Uh.. you do... want... want a hug?"

Remus stared at him, "Really?" Dee nodded, and not even a second later Remus had latched onto him. It would probably be easier if Dee was taller, since Remus was basically still the one hugging him, but it worked.

It always felt strange when Remus hugged him, it was really warm, like really warm. It was the same the last time Remus gave him a proper hug, he really didn't want to let go, but it would of been weird for him to just... not let go.

It was the same this time around, but they were stood in the middle of the hallway, they couldn't just keep hugging. But he instead waited for Remus to pull away, by the time he other did, everyone around them was staring. 

All Remus had to do was clear his throat for them to all turn away. He sent a grin to Dee, "I'm telling you, i could literally run this school like Heather Chandler if i wanted." 

"You seem so much more JD, though." Dee said, smirking as they begun walking down the hall. "Are you going to be my Veronica?" 

"I don't know much about the story apart from the fact that JD is insane and tries to blow up the school, so uh, do they end up together in the end?" Dee asked. Remus gasped, "You don't know it?!"

Dee shook his head. "My brother has the movie, we can steal it from him and watch it!" Remus offered - well, actually, it was more of a statement. 

"Maybe if you just leave Roman alone, he'll leave you alone? you kind of seem to hate eachother." Dee shrugged. Remus scoffed, "It's a twin war, and it will never end! besides, i'm always winning."

Dee was quiet for a moment before he spoke up, ".. Are you?" Remus' head turned so quickly Dee thought it might snap off. "What do you mean by that?"

Dee blinked, "Oh. I... i just... you know... uh... well.. you said that your dad always sides with him... and... doesn't that mean.. he's... winning?" Dee had never had words fail him so much, normally he was good with words, why was his brain betraying him!?

To his surprise, Remus simply sighed and turned his head away again. "He's just so stupidly perfect. Oh, look at Roman, he's so good at acting and he won an award! oh, look at Roman, he got himself an adorable little boyfriend! Oh, look at Roman, everyone thinks he's a damn fucking god!" Remus didn't even notice himself growing louder and more frustrated until he noticed Dee had stopped, and was looking at him with wide eyes.

"He's just so... frustrating." Remus mumbled. 

"People can be like that. The kind of frustrating you just don't understand, confusing and it just makes you wonder why the hell they do the shit they do. Why is always like one constant battle, what the hell did you even do wrong? why does it seem like everyone is against you? it's just... a nightmare." Dee sighed and let his gaze fall down to the floor. It was a dirty school floor, nothing interesting. Like his ceiling.

He- "Holy buttholes, that was fucking deep. You good there?" Dee blinked, he had completely spaced out into his own mind there. He looked back up at Remus, "Oh. Yeah, sorry."

Remus didn't quite look convinced, but he shrugged it off anyways. "So, do you want to help me toilet paper Roman's house?"

"Remus.. you live with him."

"But i would love having TP all over my house! he would hate it!" Dee snickered, of course Remus wanted toilet paper all over his house. 

"Only if you provide the TP."

\--

_Dee remembered a desperate turning of the wheel and the beginnings of a scream, screeching of the tires and his vision blurring before impact hit. Black, black was all he could see. The sound and everything he could feel was gone, it was just black, black, black...._

Dee awoke more violently than the night before. It was more detailed than usual, and he hated it. 

Even though somewhere in his brain he knew he was okay, the panic and fear had taken over. He was shaking, he was fucking freezing cold, why the fuck was he so cold?!

What was he supposed to do? curl up in a ball and wait for the panic to pass? no, he couldn't, he realised he couldn't breathe properly. He tried, he really did, but he just couldn't do it. _God, why am i such a fucking idiot?!_

_**You're going to die.** _

Fuck, i'm gonna die.

_**No one wants you around anyways.** _

_You're right.  
  
No! No?  
  
Yes.   
  
No, Remus wants me. _

... _Remus!_

Using the last part of common sense he could, Dee grabbed his cracked old phone and pressed Remus' contact. It was the middle of the night, it was probably stupid, Remus was probably going to be asleep, and if he woke him up, he would probably be pissed-

 _"Dee?"_ Remus' voice broke through his thoughts. It didn't sound like he had been woken from sleep. 

"R- remus-" Dee was trying desperately to control his breathing, but he just couldn't do it, he couldn't breathe, he was going to die-

 _"Woah woah, breathe Dee, breathe. In for four..."_ Dee tried to follow him, breathing in for four seconds, _"Hold for seven..."_ Dee almost made it to seven, _"Good job. Out for eight."_

Eventually, Dee could breathe again. "H- how did you k-know that?" Dee's voice was still shaky, he internally cursed himself for it, he sounded like such a baby. 

_"Virgil has panic attacks sometimes, Logan mentioned that was a breathing technique once, and i remember things."_ Remus answered. "P-panic attack?" Dee had briefly heard about panic attacks, what... that was it was?

 _"Yeah, have you had one before?"_ Remus asked. Dee nodded before remembering Remus couldn't see him, "Y-yeah.. a few times. I didn't know that's what it was though..." 

_"Really? what did you do the other times you had them?"_

"I- i just... waited for it to pass." 

_"What? wasn't it like, a whole shit-fest?"_

"Well.. it wasn't fun but i didn't know how to help..." Dee mumbled. He heard a sigh from the other side, _"Well, next time feel free to call me again. What triggered it anyways?"_

It was only then that Dee registered how much softer Remus' voice was than usual. Probably because of the late hour, but Dee didn't really care about the reason, it was nice anyways.

"I... just... some stuff about my mom's death..." Dee mumbled, Remus already knew his mom was dead, he just didn't know anything about what happened.

 _"Oh... do... you want to talk about it-?"_  
  
"No! i mean... no thanks..." 

_"Okay. You think your gonna be alright?"_ Dee bit his lip in thought, it was dark, he was still freezing cold, but atleast he wasn't shaking and he could breath. 

"I'll be okay. Thank you, Remus." 

_"... Alright.... call me if you need me, okay?"_

"... yeah okay." Dee doubted he would, he'd already bothered Remus at 3am, even if the other didn't seem to care. 

"Goodnight, Rem."

_"... Night DeeDee."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAA- sorry if it's inaccurate, i've never had a full blown panic attack before so- 
> 
> Me: lmao so anyways, *dumps a bunch of backstory trauma on top of Dee's current trauma* isn't the weather nice today?
> 
> i need to stop someone take away my laptop-


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another outing, this time to the ice skating rink! 
> 
> Wow, Roman is such an ass...... set to this story. Aha.

"Alright, you boys ready to go?" Mr. Kingsley asked. Roman groaned, "Do we _have_ to bring Remus with us?"

Mr. Kingsley sent him a look, "Yes. He's your brother, and, leaving him here alone may result in us coming back home to a burnt down wreckage." 

Roman shrugged, "Can't argue with that."

"I'm ready! hey, since we're bringing Roman's friends, can i invite Dee?" Remus asked. His dad sighed, "I suppose. Just make sure his guardian knows this time."

Remus nodded rapidly, pulling out his phone.

**Trash Rat:**   
**Wassup babe, you wanna come to the ice skating rink with us?**

**DeeDee:**   
**First of all, never call me babe again, second, right now?**

**Trash Rat:**   
**Well we were getting ready to go pick up Roman's dumb friends, it'll take a while**

**DeeDee:**   
**Still, i don't think i can**

**Trash Rat:**   
**But Deeeeee! can't you atleast like, ask your dad?**

**DeeDee:**   
**Fine.**

Dee placed his phone down, he obviously didn't go downstairs, it wouldn't get him anywhere. He waited for what seemed like long enough, then picked up his phone again.

**DeeDee:**   
**Nope.**

**Trash Rat:**   
**Nuuuuu- just like leave anyways**

**DeeDee:**   
**Remus, i told you, i can't just leave**

**Trash Rat:**   
**Sneak out and i'll give you a kiss as a reward**

**DeeDee:**   
**That's not a reward.**

**Trash Rat:**   
**Dang you're mean**

**DeeDee:**   
**I know. Can i go now?**

**Trash Rat:**   
**Noooo come along! if your dad is really that strict then i'll just kill him**

**DeeDee:**   
**But if you go to jail how are we going to make out?**

**Trash Rat:**   
**We will find a way, my love**

**DeeDee:**   
**I was being sarcastic.**

**Trash Rat:**   
**Sneak out sneak out sneak out**

**DeeDee:**   
**Fuck you**

**Trash Rat:**   
**That means your coming right?**

**DeeDee:**   
**Ugh, i'll meet you there.**

Dee sighed and rolled his eyes, it was a sunday morning and his dad was still out like a bulb on the couch, completely hungover. Miraculously, Dee had managed to go almost unscathed, there was a cut on his arm from where a bottle went flying, but he bandaged it up.

Part of him knew that his father would probably have woken up by the time he got back, and that he probably wouldn't be able to sneak past him. But he also knew that, for whatever fucking stupid reason, having him around made Remus happy. 

And as stupid and cheesy as it sounded to admit, Dee wanted to see him happy. So maybe it would be worth it, just to see Remus' happy face and dopey smile.

\--

"DeeDee!" Remus ran forward when he saw his friend, pulling him into a hug despite the fact the other stiffened as usual. He relaxed sooner than usual however, hugging Remus back briefly before pulling away.

"Hey." Dee said, he looked behind Remus to see the others, "Uh, i've never.. officially met your dad before." 

"Oh, right!" Remus said, he grabbed Dee's arm, "Let's go then!" 

"Wait Remus that's not what i meant-" Dee cut himself off when he was standing right infront of Mr. Kingsley. 

"Oh, hello, we've never actually talked before have we? well, it's nice to meet you, Dee, right?" Mr. Kingsley said with a smile. Dee nodded, "Uh, yeah, nice to meet you to." 

Remus tugged at the sleeve of Dee's hoodie, "It's pretty warm today, i get that it'll be cold inside, but why wear it out here?" 

"Doesn't feel that warm to me." Dee shrugged. Remus blinked, he had that feeling again. Usually, Remus was like a lie detector. He could tell when people were lying, always. 

But he just couldn't tell with Dee, maybe the other was just a really good liar, or maybe Remus' gut was betraying him. He got that gut feeling that something was off, but it wasn't as clear as with other people. Sometimes it would be so random, like why would Dee lie about not feeling the heat? It was september after all, it wasn't exactly summer, it was just a random warm day.

He brushed it off, he usually did, after it, it really did seem like his gut was just betraying him. How dare it! Rude. 

They went inside, and then got to the actual rink. Roman and the others had all already disappeared, so it was just Remus and Dee not yet on the ice.

"When was the last time you went ice skating?" Remus asked, standing up after putting on the ice skates, extremely good balance was one amongst many random talents Remus possessed, he grinned.

"Uh... when i was like, six." Dee mumbled. "Wow, you live an extremely boring life." Remus said, he grabbed Dee's arm to pull him up. 

"Woah- uh, yeah, i do." Dee let out a strained laugh, trying to keep his balance. "See, this is why you need me as a friend! because i force you to do fun things!" Remus said, he kept a hold of the other's arm as they went over to the ice.

"Wow, your so right." Dee said dryly. Remus grinned at him again, "Don't- for once, can you not grin at me like that? literally, that's all you ever do." 

"This is my natural face!" Remus argued. "Really?" Dee raised an eyebrow. "Yes! it is, actually. I'm grin-y! i'm a grin-y person, because my grin is beautiful." Remus said matter-of-factly. 

Before Dee could say anything else, Remus pulled him forward onto the ice. "Remus! hell, i'm going to fall on my ass." Dee gripped to the side, hey, don't judge him, ice is slippery!

Remus smirked, "The ice is cold, if you fall on your ass you'd have to sit on my lap to warm it up again." 

"Do you ever stop with the dirty jokes?" Dee mumbled, he turned away but he wasn't fast enough, Remus caught the pink on his cheeks and he grinned, "Normally they don't make you blush."

He took both of Dee's hands, slowly pulling him away from the side. Despite the fact Dee wanted to slap Remus round the face, he had to hold onto to the other tightly to stop from falling. 

Remus smiled, his genuine dopey smile, and slowly started moving, pulling Dee along with him. "Fuck, how are you so good at this?" Dee murmured. 

Remus laughed, "I've done it a lot! besides, basic skating isn't that hard once you get the hang of it." They moved around slowly for a while until they passed Roman, Virgil, Patton and Logan.

Roman snickered, "You look like a five year old, do you want one of the penguins they give to babies to help them balance?"

Patton nudged him, "Roman! don't be mean." Roman rolled his eyes and kept skating forward, not to subtly pushing past Dee and making him fall forward. 

Patton mumbled an apology before skating off after him and the other two. Remus sent his brother a glare despite the fact the other was gone, and pushed them back over to the side.

"Okay, it's pretty simple. You just have to push, basically. Put one foot forward, and push back." He said, trying to demonstrate without moving to far. 

Dee looked unsure, but he tried anyways, and Remus moved infront of him to catch him every time he fell. "You're a liar, this is very difficult." Dee huffed. 

Remus rolled his eyes and smiled, "I thought _i_ was impatient." Dee death stared him, not that it had any effect on Remus whatsoever. 

After a while, Remus moved back, "Okay, skate over to me." Dee sighed, "Okay, but if i fall over before i get there, you have to buy me a hot chocolate."

Remus grinned, "Deal." Dee took a moment, before he pushed forward and, although a little wobbly, made it over to where Remus was. 

"You did it!" Remus said, no patronizing, he seemed genuinely... proud? Dee blinked, that was weird. When did Remus start acting like.... uh... well whatever Remus was acting like. 

"Okay, come on, i'll buy you a hot chocolate anyways." Remus said, pulling him towards the exit. 

"Oh. I was joking." Dee said, suddenly embarrassed. Remus shook his head, "Nope, come on, let's go to the cafe." 

So they went to the cafe attached to the rink, both drinking hot chocolate while they waited for the others to be done. 

\--

Dee sighed, he had been out for longer than planned, it was always hard to leave Remus since the other was like a puppy, wanting Dee to stay always.

Dee didn't get it at all, how on earth could he be that good of company? He was just a ugly weirdo and a pathological liar, he knew Remus was weird and obviously had strange taste, but even so, Dee couldn't wrap his head around it.

He had never really thought that much about how low his self-esteem was. He put up a confident persona so often he seemed to have just forgotten. 

"Where were you?" The voice was raspy, clearly still not fully over his hangover. "Out." Dee replied flatly.

"Did i say you could go out?" 

"No." Dee didn't want to deal with this shit right then.

Dee attempted to dart up the stairs, but an arm grabbed his, pulling him back. He tugged his arm away, he was angry and a sudden burst of confidence had hit him, "For fucks sake, it was one day, what the hell is your damn problem!? you can't act like you give a shit where i am, you wouldn't care if i got fucking shot! You are such a lousy piece of shit, all you ever do is get drunk!" 

That was definitely the wrong thing to say. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry not sorry LOLZ-


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically just the aftermath of last chapter, plus, someone *cough cough* started some rumors about Dee, fun. 
> 
> Lots of slurs and just people being bitchy in this one, just a heads up!

**Shit.**

Yeah, that was basically all Dee had to say. Just, shit. Everything was shit. He definitely felt like shit. _Shit._

The only thing he knew at that point was that there was no way he could act away this one. His father seemed to of also realised that, as he walked in briefly to say he'd told the school he was sick before leaving again.

Somehow the most decent thing his father had said to him in the past eight years, how fun. Soon after he heard the door open and close, and the car pull out of the drive. 

Well, atleast he was alone. Alone and in a shit ton of pain. Great. _What do people actually do when they're sick..?_ He'd rarely gotten sick before, the last time was when he was still a child, and he didn't really remember much.

He picked up his battered old phone and started fiddling with it in his hands. It was beyond cracked, he was surprised it still worked. 

After a while, he found himself calling Remus' number without even realising.

He blinked as he heard Remus' voice, _"Howdy!"_

"Oh. Hi Remus."

_"I'm missing my baby, why aren't you in school today?"_

"Uh, i'm sick." There was a short silence that followed, before Remus spoke up again. 

_"Well that's a bummer!"_ Remus paused, _"... you don't sound sick, you sure your not just bluffing?"_ He said teasingly.

Dee rolled his eyes, "Pretty sure." 

_"Welp! it's probably a good thing your not here anyways."_

Ignoring the fact that Remus literally said "welp" outloud, Dee raised an eyebrow, "Why?" Remus went quiet once more. "Remus." 

_"Uh.. someone started some rumors about you or something."_

"What? what kind of rumors?" Dee questioned. 

_"Uhm... that you're sleeping with me?"_

Silence, just complete speechless silence. "You... what?" Dee could only comprehend about five words and it was You, What, Hell and Kill Me. 

_"It's not that bad! besides, we can just make them true."_

"Remus." Dee said warningly.

 _"Fine, fine! look, i tried to ask some people about it, but no one can tell me the source. So i guess you'll have to live with it."_

Dee groaned, "Ugh, this is going to be hell." 

_"It could be worse! anyways, i gotta go, bye princess!"_ Remus hung up before Dee could remark.

Dee groaned once more, flopping back, immediately regretting it with a wince, and then letting his gaze slowly go up to the same old cracked ceiling.

Well, even more staring up at the ceiling rethinking his entire life couldn't hurt, so why the hell not.

\--

Dee wasn't exactly sure what to expect, he highly doubted it would anywhere near as dramatic as in those stupid highschool movies, but he also wasn't exactly the type of person who could fit into the crowd.

It wasn't like everyone turned to stare at him as he walked in, but as he walked down the hallway some people did look. Weirdly, Remus wasn't there like usual.

Part of him felt that was good, people actually seeing them together, especially the way Remus acted and talked, definitely wouldn't help. On the other hand, he had gotten used to having the other around, and he felt kind of lonely.

He heard some laughter from behind him and spun around, there was a pretty large group of people, one them turned her head towards Dee, "Oops, looks like someone dropped a whore over there, someone should really pick it up." 

Dee turned away again, and kept walking. "Going to find your boyfriend? aw, have fun you little slut!" Someone called out. 

Dee had turned to staring at the floor, trying to block it out. Really, words didn't usually get to him that much, but he already a shortass ugly weirdo, and now everyone thought he was sleeping around or some shit too. 

However, he was to distracted to notice someone infront of him. He barely missed colliding right into them, instead gently bumping them. He looked up, goddamn his shortness, it was... Remus. Oh.

He saw Remus send a glare over his head, and the laughter almost immediately stopped. God, Remus really did have something over this entire school, it was pretty damn impressive actually.

To be fair, if Dee hadn't become Remus' friend so quickly and had just seen him around school, he would keep his distance and not mess with him either, i mean, Remus is Remus after all, everyone should be well and truly terrified of him. 

Remus looked down at him, "You good?" 

"Yeah, i've definitely heard worse." Dee said with a strained laugh. Remus frowned at that, he took Dee's hand, "Let's just go." 

\--

Roman watched as Remus and Dee walked away from the other end of the hallway. He turned back to Logan, Patton and Virgil and scoffed. 

Patton eyebrows upturned slightly, "Roman.. maybe you shouldn't of started those rumors."

Roman rolled his eyes, "Whatever, besides, i didn't exactly mean to start a whole bunch of rumors that the whole school would hear."

"But still! it wasn't nice, and now people are saying all sorts of mean things and names to him!" Patton argued, he didn't look annoyed, only upset.

"It's fine, pat." Roman said, although he felt a pang of guilt. "I must agree, i do not understand the purpose of the rumor starting." Logan said, nodding. 

"Was it for petty purposes? that does not make sense, after all you have no reason to be petty against Dee, or your brother. On the contrary, you have much more than both of them. You are popular, and you have a romantic partner, two things i'm given to believe are good and important, plus, you have decently good grades while imagine Remus' are horrible, even if i don't know about Dee, and from what you tell us, you are most likely to win an argument and have others take your side." Logan said. 

Roman blinked, taking in Logan's dang _speech._ After he processed it, he huffed, "Well... whatever."

Honestly, he didn't know why he did it. It was like as soon as Remus started to get some good things in his life, Roman immediately felt the need to knock him down again. Perhaps he had subconsciously hoped the rumors would make Dee stray from Remus. 

Again, he didn't really know. Which is why he also didn't know if he was happy with how it turned out. One thing he did know though, was that he could never let Remus found out it was him. He wanted to keep his spinal cord, thanks. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oMG this chapter went through so much rewriting- okay so at first lmao ngl straight up a whole damn assault happened, then i was like, no that's too much i'm already torturing Dee enough, so i toned it down, but it still was too much so i just got rid of it lmao. It didn't really fit for what i have planned in the future chapters soooo yeah- plus, it wasn't exactly fun to write, i hate writing any kind of bad stuff like that, its just like noooooooooooooooooooo- so YEp- okay toodles! 
> 
> sorry this chapter is short btw, it was all the rewriting rip-


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just another regular Dee and Remus hang out.
> 
> Warnings, i guess mention of food and eating, and a mention of not eating, idk just wanna be safe- <3

  
It started with Remus practically dragging Dee back to his house after school one day. "Remus, no!" Dee protested, but Remus ignored him.

"I'm doing it for the greater good!" Remus said dramatically. "No your not!" Dee hissed. "Shush or i will pick you up and carry you!"

Dee scoffed, "As if you could-" He cut himself off with a small scream as Remus scooped him up into his arms. 

"Holy shit you are _light_." Remus said, "Do you even eat?" Dee hissed again, "Shut up." 

"Can you put me down now?" Dee asked. Remus grinned and shook his head, "Nopers." 

"Please." Remus raised an eyebrow, "Are you like, scared i'm gonna drop you or something?" 

He got no reply, just the uncomfortable look on Dee's face. So he sighed and put Dee down. He then took the other's hand, "Were still going though." Dee groaned, "Ugh, fine... can you atleast let go of my hand?" 

"Why, don't wanna hold hands with me?" Remus asked, faking offence. Dee rolled his eyes, "No." 

Things went quiet as they continued walking. At one point, Dee pulled out his phone. "Who you texting?" Remus asked.

"My dad. Might aswell let him know for once." _As if it'll help_. Dee mumbled, sliding his phone back into his pocket. 

Remus smiled, "Great! it'll be fun, we need to chill after that exhausting week of school." 

Dee groaned, it had been one hell of a long week. Whoever started those rumors was well and truly dead to him, if only he knew who it was. 

They got to Remus' house, they went inside and passed the kitchen, where Mr. Kingsley was. "Heyo daddio!" 

Mr. Kingsley smiled, "Hey kid, how was school?" Remus shrugged, "Boring as usual. Oh, look, i brought Dee!" 

His dad's smile faltered slightly, "Remus, i did ask for warning in advance." Dee felt like shrinking back, did Remus' had not like him? 

"Not that your not welcome, Dee." He added, apparently seeing Dee's face, which made Dee want to hide more. 

Remus huffed, "It's fine! Roman's friends come over all time, he doesn't tell you about it half the time." 

"Not that often, and i expect it more too." Mr. Kingsley sighed, "But it's okay." 

Remus grinned and grabbed Dee's hand to pull him up the stairs. "Soooo, whatcha wanna do?" Dee shrugged, "I don't know, what do you wanna do?"

"I don't know, we can make out if you want." Remus said casually. Dee rolled his eyes, "Wow, you're so romantic." He said sarcastically. 

"How dare you! i can be romantic, it's just that romance is usually full of shit!" Remus scoffed. "Can't argue with that." Dee said.

"Hm, i could go steal some of my brothers films and we can make fun of them?" Remus offered. Dee smiled and rolled his eyes, "Sure, why not."

\--

"Why on earth is Kristoff singing like a cheesy boyband pop song with a music video??" Remus scoffed, "This movie's songs are awful." 

"Agreed. There's so many, only into the unknown was actually good." Dee said. Just then, a growl filled the room. Remus looked at him, "Holy buttholes man, you sound like a hungry bear."

Dee flushed a little from embarrassment, "Sorry, i forgot to eat earlier." 

"I've never forgotten to eat, i'm always hungry!" Remus said, he jumped up from the bed, "Let's go get some snacks, i'm hungry right now too."

"Remus, you ate a snack bar from your backpack on the walk here." Dee scoffed. "I told you, i'm always hungry!" 

They made their way down to the kitchen, finding it now empty. Remus went and started rummaging through the cupboards while Dee stood awkwardly in the doorway, being in other people's houses is strange. 

"Here." Remus said, tossing him a bag of doritos. "The most cultured food." Dee said. Remus turned his head and grinned at him, "Of course!"

Remus grabbed two glasses out of another cupboard and put them down on the counter. Slowly, Dee moved closer to him, "Do you just... raid the cupboards whenever you feel like it?"

Remus shrugged, "Usually. My dad tells me not too but really he doesn't mind that much." 

"Oh.. okay." Dee said slowly, "Oh, hey your gonna hit your head-" He reached out to stop Remus hitting his head on the cupboard door, however he knocked over the glasses on the counter in the process, one of them falling off and hitting the ground with a smash. 

"Well shit. That's gonna be a nightmare." Remus said, he looked over at Dee, about to say something but stopped when he saw Dee's face. 

"Are you... okay?" Remus asked, raising an eyebrow. Dee was completely frozen, deer caught in headlights look on his face. 

"Dee?" Remus wondered if maybe the loud sound had freaked him out or something, or maybe he... had something against broken glass? whatever it was, he definitely didn't look okay. 

Remus sighed, "Okay, look i'm gonna.." Remus needed to clean up the glass, and since something was obviously up, he didn't want any jerk reactions, "Stay calm, alright?" 

He wrapped his arms around the other and lifted him up onto the counter. Dee made a sound of surprise, somehow going even more rigged. "You seem freaked out and i dont want you to accidently hurt yourself." Remus explained.

He went and grabbed a broom, coming back to clean up the glass. Dee was then staring down at it with a guilty look, although he hadn't moved an inch. 

Remus cleaned up the glass, threw it away and then went back over to Dee. "Hey, you okay now?" Dee nodded, "Yeah... sorry."

"It's okay, i just... why did you freak out so much?" Remus asked. Dee shrugged, "I don't know... i just... anxiety, i guess?" 

Remus sighed, "Okay..." He moved closer, "Do you need help getting off the counter?" He asked jokingly. Dee blinked, "Oh... uhm." 

"Oh.. i was joking, but i'll get you off if you need it." Remus said, he was confused since even though Dee was small, he wasn't that small. He wrapped his arms around the others waist once more, but right then, Roman walked into the kitchen.

"Hey, what was that sound-?" He cut himself off, staring at the two. "Geezus can you atleast fucking do it in your own room? i don't need to walk into the kitchen and see you two making out." He huffed.

"We _weren't_." Remus huffed. Roman rolled his eyes, "Yeah, sure you weren't. Just, get off the counter, god."

Remus blew a raspberry at him before turning back to Dee, but the other hoped off the counter without him, although he blinked a few times afterwards, still seeming not quite right. 

Then Remus took his hand, leading him out of the kitchen. Dee followed him out and up the stairs, still surprised and confused. 

He wasn't exactly sure what he was expecting, he knew that how his father acted wasn't really normal, although for a lot of smaller things, what was and wasn't normal was a blurred line. 

Again, he didn't know what to expect, but he certainly didn't expect absolutely _nothing_ to happen. Remus just... cleaned it up, and then asked him if he was okay? He should of been mad, right? 

Well, Dee definitely wasn't complaining, he didn't want to make Remus mad, definitely not. He was actually pretty afraid to see the other angry, he'd seen him annoyed a few times and that was enough, Remus could be a scary person. 

They went back up to Remus' room, Dee had forgotten he was even hungry by that point, he'd gotten pretty used to it. He still managed to eat enough to be okay, but he definitely wouldn't call himself healthy. 

While his father wasn't in any way wealthy, he still definitely had enough to feed two people. It just that he didn't, he tended to buy food for only one person, so Dee had to make do with what he could. 

He took a few chips out of the bag Remus offered him, "Soo, what awful movie do you wanna watch next?" Remus asked. Dee shrugged, "Got anything so bad we might vomit?" He felt more calm due to seeing that Remus clearly didn't care in the slightest, although something was still nagging at his brain, but he ignored it.

Remus grinned, "We could watch riverdale instead of watching another film." Dee raised an eyebrow, "Riverdale?" 

"It's a complete cringey mess, it's horrible." Remus snickered. 

"Sounds perfect." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LMAo i swear the angst is coming- so like, i was like "i'm gonna end up doing one of the abuse stories cliches, should i go with the breaking glass? yeAH-" pfftt- 
> 
> i'm trying to get a balance between not making Dee a total scared baby, but also like our bois been suffering through abuse for like seven years so he's not exactly pEACHy-
> 
> Also don't come at me for frozen 2 it was pretty bad
> 
> Oh, also, i just wanna say about the counter thing, so like, when ur head is kinda fucked up, normal easy things can be just weird or difficult, so yeah- thATs my explanation lmao


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dee's really an overthinker, Roman is the worst, and...
> 
> Warnings: Slurs, making out (? i don't know what QUALIFIES AS MAKING OUT-) some dubcon (unsure about wanting to consent/consenting when you don't really want to) 
> 
> This chapter is a YIKES  
> and Roman is an ASS-

Life has become rather bittersweet for Dee. On one hand, he had increased his time spent with Remus, which was fun and he was able to just relax. However, the consequences were there every time. 

Not to mention the looks people gave him, especially Roman, he had no idea what he had done to the the but the other seemed to hate his guts. 

Then again, a lot of people hated Dee's guts, he was used to it. He was used to insults and being put down, he was used to a lot of things he wishes he weren't. 

It was an act of balance, when he normalized the being hurt. It didn't make sense _why_ he was being hurt, the only reasons he was being given were so small, yet, that was all he had. So to balance things out, give a reason, the smaller things grew much bigger. 

Got home late? huge deal. Knocked a glass over? giant deal. He was still perplexed by the lack of a reaction from Remus. He hadn't even yelled or even gotten mad. It just didn't make sense. Maybe it would of too a younger dee, before, but not anymore.

Because that was normal, wasn't it? Remus had only seemed concerned. Why should he be concerned? Dee knew he froze up, purely from not knowing what was going to happen, but surely it couldn't of been that concerning. He wasn't dead so why should Remus be worried?

Remus didn't seem like a caring person, like at all. And Dee had seen him be rough with other people, not caring at all. But ever since their first hug, Remus had always just seemed to be more gentle whenever they came into contact with eachother. He talked all rough or whatever, spitting horrific things out of his mouth, and if he wasn't actually touching Dee he was pretty off the wall. 

Dee partly wondered if it was the stiffening thing, he knew he stiffened whenever someone touched him, no matter the situation. But if he was weirded out by it, why didn't he say something or just not touch Dee? Was he just... being considerate? That didn't seem right, that's a lot of effort to go to and Remus being Remus, it would probably be extra hard, so there's no way, right?

Ugh. Okay, Dee was tired of questioning himself. Remus questions always were more stressful and tiring to think about. His relationship with Remus was... questionable. 

They were friends, of course, best friends according to Remus. But then Remus kept flirting with him and making dirty jokes and Dee couldn't tell if he meant it or not.

Well, sure, he seemed to find Dee attractive (for god knows what reason) but Dee had no idea if he... actually liked him, like genuinely. 

Also... Remus was a guy. Dee had figured out a while ago, not that he had said anything to anyone. Remus knew, not from Dee saying it, but because he just... knew. 

It was kind of crap, really. On top of being weird and ugly already, he was also gay as fuck. Great. Another reason for people to hate him.

He had tried, really tried to just... not be gay. Didn't work. He didn't like girls. Nor would he ever like girls. Super gay. 

Speaking of super gay, he was supposed to be hanging out with Remus that day. So he hopped up, grabbed his bag and went out the door. Before stopping and realising he didn't cover up the bruise on his face. Yeah, don't forgot that, he definitely didn't need that fiasco right now.

\--

"Did you know snakes have two dicks?" Remus said casually, they were walking back to his house, Remus carrying the conversation as usual, in the weirdest way he could.

Dee snorted, "What? seriously?" Remus nodded, "Yeppers!" 

"If people could be half snake, would they have two dicks? i would love that." Remus said, grinning. Dee rolled his eyes, "I'd feel awful for this half snake person, having to deal with you all day."

"But you deal with me all day, and you love it!" Remus said, scoffing as if Dee had just said something _incredibly_ stupid. 

Dee could only roll his eyes so many times, so he just nulled his reaction. They got to Remus' house pretty quick, "Hey, how come i can never come over to your place?" Remus asked.

"Oh. Eh, my dad's pretty rude, and... homophobic, and you reek of gay." Dee shrugged. "Yikes, your old man sounds like a riot..." Remus mumbled, pushing the door open. 

_You have no idea._

\--

"I'll be right back." Dee interjected in one of Remus' long rants about some gorey something or other, needing to use the toilet. 

He went out into the hallway, then ran right into Roman. "Ugh, it's you." Roman mumbled. Dee stepped back, "Yeah, the horror." He said sarcastically.

"You hang out with my brother, that in itself is a horror." Roman scoffed. Dee sighed, "Okay, whatever, can i get past now?" 

Roman rolled his eyes and stepped aside, letting Dee pass. Dee begun walking past him, "I've heard those rumors about you, you know." And he stopped. 

"And you should know better than anyone that they aren't true." He said. "I don't watch you guys all day like a creep, i don't know what you're doing." Roman shrugged.

"Why would you even want to hear about that? he's your brother." Dee said, raising an eyebrow and turning to face Roman once more. "Are you saying it's true?" 

Dee groaned, "Why is everyone so obsessed with it?! what the hell does it fucking matter to you? no, it's not true, but even if it fucking was, it wouldn't be anyone elses fucking business!" He didn't notice himself growing louder until he was done. 

There was a moment of silence while Roman just stared at him. Dee turned back around, sighing. He then kept walking, intending on ignoring the other, even if he said something else. 

But then he said something Dee just couldn't ignore. 

"He just wants to sleep with you. I've heard him say it, he told me. He thinks you're _interesting_ or whatever. If i were you, i'd just leave now. All anyone thinks of you is that you're a whore." And with that, Roman was gone. 

\--

"Heyo, that was a long pee, do you have a medical problem?" Remus asked as Dee walked back into his room. 

Dee forced a small laugh, then sat on the opposite end of the bed to Remus. Remus raised an eyebrow, "Did you fucking loose your sense of humor in there?" 

Dee rolled his eyes, "No, Remus." Remus shrugged, "Alrighty. Hey, i also heard some shouting or something, what was that about?"

"No idea, it was coming from your brothers room." Dee lied. Remus made a huh noise, eyeing the other one last time before turning his attention to something else. 

  
It was a while later when Remus' phone rang. It was on the stand next to Dee, so Remus reached over to grab it. He didn't bother to move back before picking it up, "Howdy!"

"Yesss? Mhm.... okay..... well that's- no, you don't want whatever gross thing i have to say? well okay pops but your loss. Alrighty, toodles!" He put it back down again, finally moving back.

But he stopped, hovering over Dee's very red face. He smirked, "Awe, do you know how cute your blush is?" 

Dee rolled his eyes, "Whatever Remus..." Remus laughed, "Can't take a compliment either, how adorable." He booped Dee on the nose, which only made the other more flustered. 

Remus' laughter slowed, as he locked eyes with Dee. They silently stared at eachother for what felt like eternity. 

"This is super cliche." Dee mumbled. Remus leaned forward, impossibly close, "I know that." 

It was barely a second later that their lips connected. Dee was somewhat surprised, although, he wasn't sure what by anymore. It felt different than he expected, it wasn't lust filled, it felt more like longing, it was actually kind of nice. 

Remus pulled back a moment later, Dee had never seen him so happy, ever. Honestly, Dee was pretty happy himself. It was much more calm than he'd expected and although it was short and sweet, that was enough for him.

He wished he had moved, giving the impression he was done because Remus soon reattached their lips, a little bit more passionately that time. Okay, that was fine. 

It was just a little bit. Then a hand began running down his side. Okay, well that's.... Dee could handle that, it's fine. Should he be doing something with his hands? God, he had no idea what he was doing. Plus he was trying not to panic, or let Remus know there was any hesitation.

Remus' kisses grew more and more.... aggressive wasn't the right word. He was just... well, Remus was horny, Dee knew that. But he didn't want to say anything incase.... 

_"He only wants to sleep with you."_

What if that was true? it seemed like a lot of effort to go through months of friendship with someone just to try and sleep with them, but Dee didn't know anything, all of this was uncharted territory, and it was kind of scary.

He didn't want to lose Remus, his only ever friend. Going back to being alone was something he really, _really_ didn't want. 

Maybe Remus just wanted to make out a little or something, whatever qualifies as making out. Again, Dee was clueless. Surely he wasn't going to try and go too far. Right? 

What if he did want to go pretty far though? What if he... expected them too? After all, everyone else thought Dee was some sort of shameless slut. He hadn't thought it before but... 

_"He told me. Everyone thinks you're just a whore anyways."_

All of the words were getting muddled in his head, 

_"Oops, looks like someone dropped a whore over there, someone should really pick it up."_

_"Going to find your boyfriend? aw, have fun you little slut!"_

**This is what people expect of you.**

Remus' hand slid under his shirt, Dee tried his best not to move awkwardly or freeze up, he really did, but obviously he didn't do a good enough job. Idiot.

Remus pulled back, he blinked a few times, "Dee? you okay?" He pulled his hand away. **Shit. Don't ruin it for him.**

"No, no it's okay. Your hand is just kind of cold, that's all." Dee lied, Remus took his hand to his face, "It's... pretty warm." 

"Well, now it is yeah." Dee said, faking amusement. Remus smiled, "Alright, so your good? i know i just sort of... jumped into this." 

Dee shook his head, "It's okay." Before Remus could say anything else, Dee wrapped his arms around the others neck and pulled his back down. Did he want to? Not really, but he had to distract him. At some point, Remus had to of had enough, and then it would just be over. Problem solved. No loosing of the only person you have, no being hated by the only person you care about.

It was fine for a moment before Remus moved away from his lips, trailing down to his neck. **Stay calm you idiot**. 

But Dee knew he just wasn't comfortable with this stuff, not yet. His whole body froze up even though he was trying to stay calm. Once again, Remus pulled away.

There was a look of concern on his face, "Did i go too far?" Dee, for once, was speechless. Usually, he could lie easily, without a second thought. It just came to him. But right then... there was nothing. Silence.

And silence wasn't the right answer. Remus moved away, "Shit, i'm sorry." Dee sat up, "What? no you don't have to apologize, this is my fault."

"What? how is this _your_ fault? i should of asked before i even kissed you..." Remus sighed and fell back, "Shit." 

"But... i... i thought... i though that's just... isn't that what you wanted?" Dee asked, his voice full of confusion and just... sadness, like he had failed at something. 

"Wanted? yeah, i want a relationship with you, that doesn't fucking start with me doing that shit! fuck i'm so crap at this!" Remus hissed in frustration, he threw a pillow from his bed but it hit the lamp, making it fall to the floor and smash.

_Shit, he's angry, fuck i knew this would happen. I knew this would fucking happen! Hell, fucking hell, shit shit shit!_

Remus sighed heavily, he turned his head back to Dee, "I'm-" He stopped, "Dee?" He moved his hand forward, Dee had a different look on his face, it was definitely _fear_. 

Dee flinched back from the hand, making them both freeze. "Dee, why...? what's wrong? aside from the obvious..." 

_Fuck. Why does he sound so fucking nice?! i know he's pissed, what the fuck is going on!? i... i have to go._

"I- .. i- h-have to go." Dee hated how his voice shook, but that wasn't the time to worry about it. He just had to go.

"Dee, wait wait-" Remus reached out to grab his arm, but he stopped himself. He didn't want to upset Dee any further.

"I'm sorry." Dee mumbled, before disappearing out of the door. Remus stared at the empty doorway. 

_What the fuck just happened?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi
> 
> Am i sorry yet? 
> 
> ...
> 
> No.
> 
> I warned you.
> 
> Although tbf this chapter was pretty difficult to write AH- okay, i'm gonna prepare for the screaming.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dee goes back home, and things go horribly downhill from there. 
> 
> Warnings: Blood, Assault, Slurs, Threats of death, Sharp broken glass, holy shit this chapter is dark. Stay safe, please <3

  
It was dark by the time Dee got back to his own house, he had been wondering around for hours, a million things running through his mind. 

But now, he was focused on one thing. How deep of shit he was in. The door creaked open, the hallway light wasn't on so it was fairly dark inside too. He turned and closed the door with a small click, being quiet never really worked but he still tried.

He sighed, head leaning against the door and hand still on the handle. God, he- "Finally decided to come home, huh?" 

The smell of alcohol was stronger than usual, but it was only a thursday, usually he kept it pretty sober on weekdays since had to go to work, obviously he wasn't in a good mood. At all.

Dee slowly turned around, his father looked like a wreck, but an extremely angry wreck. Angrier than usual. 

"Today. Of all fucking days." Dee was confused for a moment before he remembered. That's why his dad was so drunk. "Oh don't go getting sad on me you little shit, it's your fault she's dead." His father spat. 

Dee swallowed, it... was the other drivers fault... wasn't it? His father stepped forward, bottle in hand, "It should of been you. You should of fucking died. I didn't want a useless kid in the first place."

Dee wished he could back up more, he knew his dad never really wanted him, he'd always made that clear, but atleast when his mom was alive he cared a little. 

"And now, here you are. Disrespecting me by coming home late, won't even look me in the eye. Pathetic." He father came up close, spitting in his face. "Well, now you're gonna pay for it." 

Dee's reflexes kicked in and he ducked, moving to run past his father into another room. "You little shit!" His father hissed, he could hear him coming after him even if he didn't look back. So he crossed into the dining room, then back out into the hall.

He could go up the stairs, but it wouldn't get him anywhere. Wait, the kitchen had a back door. He could only keep running for so long but his instincts had all of sudden appeared, feeling he was in for more than a couple punches this time. 

So he went into the kitchen, making a beeline for the back door. He pulled on the handle but... it was locked. _Shit_. 

"Ohoho... you just like to keep making it worse, don't you?" He heard his father laugh sluggishly, now he was completely cornered. _Shit shit shit_.

His father took one last gulp out of the bottle before throwing it at the wall right next to Dee. It smashed all over, Dee put his arm up to cover his face, luckily not getting cut my any glass.

But now he definitely couldn't move, he was surrounded by broken glass. He was completely stuck in a corner with an extremely drunk and angry man mourning the loss of his dead wife, directing all of his anger onto the child who lived when she didn't. 

His father kept walking closer, heavy duty boots stepping over the glass no problem. "God knows why she loved you so much. I didn't want a kid in the first place and then i ended up with a patchy ugly faggot." 

Dee's breath hitched in his throat, did his dad find out he was gay? Well, honestly it didn't look like it mattered, either way, he was in for a hell of a lot of pain.

When his father finally got close enough, the first hit came. "Useless pathetic piece of SHIT!" The hits kept coming till he was on the ground, normally where the situation would end, but not this time.

"Do you even hear me? does it even go through your thick skull what you've _done_? I know it was you. I know you distracted her or some shit, you're the reason. I know you are."

Was it really Dee's fault? He knew his mother had been looking back at him... because he was tired, but, clearly something else was wrong, right? It wasn't.... it wasn't just him was it?

Had he really single handedly caused his own mother's death? was she looking back at him longer than he remembered? did she accidently drive to the side or something? Was it really him...?

"You took the love of my life away from me just to leave me with an ungrateful brat who can't do something as simple as get home on time! you can't even keep this damn fucking house clean, you can't even get decent grades, because you're such a fucking idiot!" The words all started to cut deeper, things he had heard over and over and took no notice of, things he hadn't realised how much he _believed_. 

He was an idiot. He was a useless piece of shit. He... he was the reason his mother was dead. 

"Oh, boo-hoo now your crying?" His father hissed. Dee blinked, was he? he took a hand up to his face, difficult when his arm was bruised, and wiped away a tear he didn't even know was there.

"I'll give you something to fucking cry about." His father spat, he grabbed a jagged piece of glass up off the floor. 

Dee stared at it through his tear blurred vision. Was he serious? what was he going to do with it? Panic shot through him, everything was screaming at him to move, run, but he couldn't. 

His hair was yanked back and the piece of glass was suddenly at his neck. "Fucking test me again, you little shit. You're lucky i don't want to end up in jail." The words were filled with pure hatred and venom.

Even Dee hadn't realised his father was that mentally unstable, nothing more than a few punches at once before had happened, now he was threatening to kill him. He couldn't describe the feeling if he tried, it was all way too much. 

He couldn't stop the tears from flowing, he heard his father growl, barely being able to see anything at that point. 

Normally, on this day of the year, Dee would hide out and come back the next day, anger would still pursue more than usual, but nothing this bad since the grief stage had passed. 

He couldn't believe he had forgotten what day it was. He was too distracted by Remus. Oh god, Remus. He didn't want to think about that right then.

He didn't want to think about anything right then. So much was going through his mind, so much fear and panic and everything was overwhelming. 

He felt an arm grab his, grip tight as it yanked his upwards. He winced at the pain, then he felt his sleeve being tugged down. He was only confused for a second before he felt a peircing pain.

He could feel something trickling down his arm, presumably blood. He was more focused on the incredible fucking pain, his tears had stopped but his breathing was heavy and uneven. 

Then his arm dropped to the ground, but the pain barely receded. "That'll teach you, you little shit. Oh, and when you wake up after passing out, clean up this mess." He couldn't hear the voice clearly, but he knew who it was, he heard something else, footsteps maybe. "If only you'd done the world a favour and died already, you wouldn't be in this mess." 

_Don't pass out_ , he practically begged himself. He tried to stand up, failing and falling back down. He tried a few more times before finally succeeding, he was used to using bruises limbs, but he arm was a throbbing stinging pain that just made him want to sink down and cry. 

_"If only you'd done the world a favour and died already, you wouldn't be in this mess."_

Died already, huh? He really wanted him dead, didn't he? He didn't care, he wanted Dee long dead. Dee wanted himself long dead, too.

He paused for a moment. Then he started moving again, he grabbed a pen and a piece of paper from the side, using his good hand to shove them in his pocket.

He then walked out from the kitchen into the hallway. Passing the living room, he saw his father had already passed out on the couch. He paused once more. Was...that it? He didn't really have anything else.

Some of his moms things were in the house, things he'd of liked to see again, but he couldn't get to them in that state. So he went over to the door, once again using his good hand to open it. He paused a third time in the doorway, looking back at the living room entrance.

"Goodbye." He said quietly, before shutting the door behind him. 

\--

The walk to Remus' house was a slower one than usual, of course. It was probably around 1am now, so no one was around. Atleast it had gone midnight, it wasn't the anniversary of his mother's death anymore. 

He stopped at a street light, pulling the paper out of his pocket and holding it up again the pole. He hissed, having to use his now blood caked arm to hold it up while he pulled out the pen with his other hand.

He took a deep breath and begun writing. He wasn't sure what to write exactly, explain himself, obviously. But what to actually say? the whole truth would be too much. 

He didn't want Remus to know exactly how much he had been lying to him, but on the other hand he wanted the other to know some truth.

He didn't end to saying much, leaving it pretty ambiguous, all Remus needed to know what that it was nothing to do with what had happened that day. Or, the previous day, given the time. 

**He won't care. You could tell him the whole truth and he wouldn't give a shit**. 

Dee didn't need the voice right now. It wasn't going to help him. 

**Just get out of here. Make everyone happier. Go.**

_I'm finishing the letter first._

**"If only you'd done the world a favour and died already, you wouldn't be in this mess."**

**"Pathetic little shit."**

_**"You're the reason she's dead!"** _

_Stop._

**"Fucking idiot."**

**"Patchy ugly faggot."**

_I'm going. I'm almost finished._

**No one wants you.**

_I know._

**Then why are you still here?**

Dee folded the piece of paper and help it in his clean hand, there was a tiny bit of blood on it, but he didn't have the energy to care. He was so close to just passing out on the floor, but he couldn't. 

He finished the journey to Remus' house. Looking up at it, he could see all the lights were off, luckily. Maybe when Remus found the letter in the morning he wouldn't even care.

**He won't.**

Dee knew what he was doing. Of course he knew. He'd thought about it so many times. And now it was the time. 

He shoved the letter through the letterbox, wincing at the loud sound it made. It might of woken some one up, but by the time they could of opened the door, Dee was gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am i sorry yet?  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> No. I FUCKING WARNED YOU IT WAS GOING TO GET REALLY ANGSTY AND DARK- 
> 
> NO MERCY!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...
> 
> Warnings: Suicidal thoughts, Suicide attempt, Blood.

The edge of a bridge in the middle of the night was a nicer view than Dee would of expected. Atleast he got to see that before he died.

Looking down below, a wave of emotions hit him. Fear, panic, _relief_. He could finally just get it all over with. For years he'd been sat in the same box, take the beating and go on. Something about it had never pushed him over the edge before. 

But this had. This was too much. He wanted everything to be over so, so badly. He didn't believe in any heaven or anything, but maybe you really could see your dead loved ones when you died. He might be able to see his mom again.

And his dad would finally have his wish. He would be dead, his father could probably blame everything on school life, say he had no idea, lie and fake things, cover up all the abuse and act sad like he had no idea why his kid had killed himself.

Then everyone wins. His father is happy he's finally gone, he's happy he's finally gone, no one has to deal with him anymore, Remus doesn't have to deal with him anymore. Remus was an eccentric person, Dee knew he was a little too out there for most people but he couldn't see why Remus didn't have more friends in the first place. He was so amazing, it didn't make sense. 

It also didn't make sense why he had wanted to be Dee's friend, he seemed apologetic after the incident before, not like how someone who was just trying to sleep with you would act, so maybe that wasn't true. Maybe he really did want to be Dee's friend. But why?

He was just a liability. Ugly, stupid, annoying, useless, pathetic. If it wasn't true why he had he been told it so many times? All of Remus' calling him beautiful and gorgeous just seemed like some stupid joke, he knew he wasn't nice looking. He stared in the mirror so much, covering up bruises, staring at the patches of skin and mismatched eyes and wondering why the world had given him such shit. 

Maybe he deserved it. Maybe in some past life or whatever shit, he just royally fucked up. Whatever it was, pretty much everything in his life had been terrible. 

He'd been beaten and bullied, cursed with his skin and his eyes, he'd only ever felt happy in those moments with Remus, and god knows why those even happened. Maybe Remus was faking it, going and laughing with Roman and the others behind his back. Well, it didn't matter now. He'd said his goodbyes to the only two people in his life. One of them who wanted him dead and one who probably didn't care.

**You know he doesn't care. Just jump already.**

Dee took a deep breath. He was ready. He was ready to leave everything behind, and just get it all over with. Finally be at peace. No more pain, no more overthinking, no more grieving his mother's death. It would be over. 

He was about to jump when he heard a cracked voice from behind him, "D-dee?" 

_No. No no no, he can't be here right now. No. Go, go away you don't need to see this_. He couldn't turn around, instead just freezing in place. 

"Dee.. what... why... why are you here?" _Why? because everyone wants me dead, including me. I'm just a waste of space._

"Please get down... I promise it'll be okay." _How can you promise that? you can't fix this, you don't even care about me._

"Please, Dee." He heard movement, he felt Remus standing directly behind him. 

  
Remus wasn't bothered by anything. No amount of blood or gore was too much, he could handle it. Nothing was too disturbing for him. 

But _this_? he couldn't handle this. He couldn't handle the sight of the person he loved with all his heart standing on the edge of a bridge, dried blood covering his hand, clearly about to jump off. Kill himself. 

He heard the letterbox, which was strange considering the time. He had turned his light of but he knew he wasn't going to sleep, he was too worried about Dee. No replies to his texts or anything. 

So when he heard it, he went downstairs to see what it was. And then he read it. He was out the door and running before he even knew it, he couldn't let it happen, he just couldn't. 

He hoped to god he could find the other in time, and thank goodness he did. But now....

"Dee.... Dee i can't let you do this, you know that, you _have_ to know that." He said, voice desperate but quiet in the practically silent night. 

"I care about you too much, i can't." That was what finally got a reaction out of the other, he turned his head around, face distraught and a huge bruise over one eye, a smaller one over his cheek. 

" _No you don't_." He said quietly, but firmly. "Yes, i do." 

"No. _You don't_. I know you don't. You can't. I'm not worth caring about, i'm incapable of being cared about. Stop wasting your time on me. I don't care what your intentions were it's not worth it. Go away." 

Remus shook his head, "No. I care about you so fucking much, you don't even know. My intentions weren't bad, no matter how hard that is for you to believe. I need you to step down, then we can fix this."

"We can't fix this!" Dee said loudly, tears starting to appear, "I'm unfixable! i'm useless and pathetic, shitty and worthless, stupid and ugly, i'm just a mess who deserves to die, and who wants to die! Even my own father wants me dead! let me die already!" Tears were fully flowing down his face, he looked angry yet so sad at the same time. 

"No-"

"Yes! just let me die, Remus. I'm not fucking worth it! i don't care what you have to say, it won't change my mind. Now go away." He turned his head away again, looking directly downwards. 

Remus' instincts kicked it, he wrapped his arms around the other so he couldn't go forward. That got a reaction of screaming and kicking, trying anything to get away. 

"Dee, please! I usually can handle anything but right now i can't, i can't stand to see you like this, i know you don't believe me but it can be okay. I swear it can be okay!" Remus could barely hear his own voice, he hoped that Dee heard him. 

"No! no stop it, let me go! let me jump off! let me go and die already!" Dee's voice came out choked from all the tears, his attempts to get out of Remus' grip slowed, Remus was surprised he had lasted that long, clearly running on pure adrenaline due to the fact he was obviously injured and mentally exhausted too.

"No. Stop... why can't you just let me die?" His voice was so quiet it broke Remus' heart, more than the sight of it all already had. He pulled Dee off the ledge and into his arms, the other's exhaustion fully catching up to him. 

"Hey... it's gonna be okay. I'm going to get you somewhere safe, make sure you stay safe. Whoever hurt you won't get to you again, i promise." Remus said gently. 

It wasn't hard to figure out someone had been hurting him, as much as Remus hated the thought. It all slotted together with the letter, even if it wasn't direct. 

All of the little things Dee had said, the panic of the breaking the glass and his constant stiffening at touch, especially the flinching away at Remus' hand. He wasn't clear on who, but...

_"My dad can be kind of strict."_

_"He's pretty homophobic and rude."_

_"I can't sneak out Remus. I'll get in trouble."_

_"Even my own father wants me dead!"_

Remus stopped cold, was it his dad who had been doing it to him? how much, how long? He had a lot of questions, but right now, he needed to get Dee out of there.

\--

By the time Remus' got back to his house, Dee had passed out. From what exactly, Remus didn't know, probably a mix of psychical exhausted and mental exhausted, all of the stress of what had happened plus his injuries. 

Speaking of those, first, after placing him down on the couch, Remus went to his arm. He wasn't sure what he was going to find, they had a first aid kit he had grabbed, but it might be pretty bad. 

He rolled up the sleeve, there was a sharp intake of breath, the cut itself didn't bother him, but the fact that it had happened to Dee did. He wasn't sure if it was self-harm or done by the bastard who had given him the other injuries, but neither way was good.

He wiped away all of the blood, which took an long time, there was bloody wipes everywhere, he wasn't sure how bad it was. He wasn't medically educated, did it need stitches? 

He wasn't sure what to do, he thought about asking his dad, but it was the middle of the night and it was so much to explain, it would probably be easier in the morning. 

"Remus?" Oh, well, forget that. He turned around, the light was already, and his dad was standing at the bottom of the stairs, staring in horror. 

Remus took a deep breath in, "Dad... i... god, it's a lot, even for me..." He sighed and his dad walked over, placing a hand on his shoulder, "What happened to him?"

Remus shook his head, "I don't know who the injuries came from. But i found him at the bridge." He took out the letter and handed it to his dad. Mr. Kingsley read it over, eyes widening as he did. He looked down at Dee with an upset look, "Heck, that's..." 

"I know.... i think it might of been his dad, there's.. been a few things." Remus said it slowly, clearly thinking about something, he then pointed to the injured arm, "Does... this cut need stitches?" 

Mr. Kingsley gasped, apparently not noticing the now once again bleeding arm. Remus wiped the blood away again. "I... i'm no expert, but i think it'll be okay. Besides, taking him to a hospital right now wouldn't be a good idea anyways..." Remus nodded, taking the arm and wrapping and bandaging it up.

Despite the fact many people who just tried to kill themselves ended up in a hospital, Dee had healable injuries and going to a loud, bustling hospital wouldn't help anything. 

Mentally, he knew the kid was going to need some help. But first, "His dad...?" Remus nodded. "Okay... do you think his father will try to find him or anything?"

Remus shrugged, "I'm not sure..." Mr. Kingsley looked his son over, Remus was never this quiet, this nervous, he was never nervous. Never had any sight of blood or gore upset him, he'd never seen him really care about anyone much, to see something finally unsettle him was... well, unsettling. 

"Hey... Remus, it's okay for you to not be okay right now too. You could of lost him, it's alright." Remus looked up at him for a moment before flinging himself into his dad's arms. 

Mr. Kingsley hugged him, he heard a sniffle and then tears came, Remus was an ugly crier but it didn't matter. He cried for a while before he finally pulled away, "I... I almost lost him."

His dad kissed the top of his head, "I know, it's okay though. You and i both know he's safe with us. We'll get through this."

Remus let out a shaky breath and nodded, "Yeah... okay, yeah." His dad smiled, "Alright... we can sort things out in the morning, he'll be passed out for a while i expect." 

"Okay..." Remus looked down at Dee, he and his dad both knew he wasn't going back up to his room. He grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch and was about to move Dee when he realised he should probably check for any other injuries.

He checked the other arm, a bruise but nothing more. Then he lifted up Dee's shirt. Apart from looking half starved, there was also multiple bruises all over Dee's ribs. Remus wanted to kill someone. 

He sat down, gently and carefully pulling Dee closer to him, he knew he wasn't going to get much sleep anyway, but he wouldn't get any without the constant reminder Dee was right there and safe.

He then tugged the blanket over the two of them, running a few fingers through Dee's hair, it was surprisingly soft. He let out a sigh settled down, making sure he wasn't squishing any bruises. He'd never felt anything like that before, but he sure as hell knew he didn't want to feel like it ever again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you guys only had to wait a day bcuz i wrote this chapter yesterday-
> 
> A M  
> I  
> S O R R Y  
> Y E T?  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> ... Ha nOPe-
> 
> Okay so honestly i was trying to slowly show his going from just very low-self esteem and self deprecating thinking, but being pretty numb to it, to being pushed over to the edge to just believing everything, and getting overwhelmed by all of things not only his father but others have said, i'm no expert on this stuff so i was trying, it would be better if this story was longer ik it's pretty rushed and i'm sorry, i started it at a bad time and i knew it was a bad time yet i did it anyways because i have no self control, and i know it sucks when a story just doesn't update for ages, so i wanted to keep updating. This really isn't my best work and i'm not super proud of this story overall, but once i started i wanted to keep going. There's gonna be a few more chapters, some of Dee's recovery, and a time-skip a bit into the future. 
> 
> tbh i've known this was going to happen pretty much since i started the story so i was prepared for it. Were you guys? i mean i did insinuate it last chapter soooo-  
> okay don't kill me plz byeeeee- Remus gon murder a man next chapter that'll be fun-  
> (also, realistically speaking, the cut Dee had would of most likely needed stitches but shhhhhhhh-)


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baby need hugs.
> 
> That's the summary-

Remus was surprised to see the sun fully risen when he woke up, he had slept more than he thought he would. Dee was still out cold, Remus had obviously been focused on other things the night before but he did notice the huge bags under Dee's eyes the previous day. 

He sighed, his body was telling him to get up, move, eat, etc. But he just couldn't bring himself too. He did a double take, god, when did he become such a _sap_? 

It wasn't like Dee was making him sappy, he shut down pretty much all of Remus' flirty comments and had made no attempt at at flirty or sappy comment back. Maybe Roman was just finally taking a toll on him. Oh, right, Roman.

He often wished his brother didn't live in the same house as him, as this time was no different. It didn't seem like his brother was up yet, so- 

"What? are you telling me he just showed up in the middle of the night?" He heard a voice from the kitchen, turns out Roman was up. And he sounded annoyed. Remus immediately felt the anger rise in him, Roman did _not_ have the fucking right to be annoyed.

"Roman! he's in a bad situation and he needs help. You can stay out of the way if you want to, but by no means are you to be any sort of rude to him." Remus heard his dad say back. 

He heard a few more muffled sounds and then Roman came into the living room. He looked Remus and Dee over, "What even happened to him?"

Remus' eyes narrowed, "Not really your business." Roman rolled his eyes, "Oh come on, it can't be that bad."

 _This fucking bastard_. "Your such a fucking brat, do you know that? he got hurt, okay? that's all you need to know. So just shut the fuck up for once in your _entire life_ and mind your own shitting business!" Remus spat at him. 

Roman blinked in surprise, he went silent and still. Remus sighed, turning his head away from Roman's direction. He heard footsteps, Roman obviously having of escaped upstairs. 

His attention was caught by the weight on top of him shuffling slightly. He wasn't sure exactly how Dee was going to be, definitely nothing good, but how exactly he would react, Remus had no idea. 

He stayed quiet and still as Dee moved around for a moment, waking up. It was quiet until Dee suddenly shot up. 

_Shit._ Dee had woken up, confused and exhausted still. His brain was foggy and all he could register was that another person was there, and they were way too close, so he tried to move away. 

His body wasn't fully awake yet, making his attempt shooting up and just flailing back. He couldn't get far enough away and he had no idea what was going on, why was his brain so fuzzy? 

He heard a muffled voice, was someone talking to him? his vision was blurred, too. He rubbed at his eyes, trying to see whoever it was. Finally, his vision focused enough for him to see it was Remus.

Remus...? Oh. Everything came flooding back. Suddenly he could hear clearer too, "Dee? What's wrong?" 

_What's wrong? Try **everything**_. What was he doing? He briefly remembered when Remus found him.... he had passed out, right? How did he end up practically lying on top of the other?

Just then, another factor kicked in. The pain. He winced as he arm sit the side of the couch, it stung like hell. He saw Remus' hand reach out but stop, even though it stopped, it still made Dee flinch.

Remus' face softened, "Hey... it's okay, i just want to see if your arm is okay." Dee blinked, when did Remus get so soft? It was weird but... hey, it was better than him being rough. 

Still, could he trust him? for whatever reason, Remus had clearly not wanted him to end his life but that didn't mean everything. Was Remus upset he had even attempted it? Well, duh, but what kind of upset was he?

Dee blinked, he had gotten lost in his thoughts again. He slowly rolled up his sleeve, wincing once more as he rolled it over the cut. Speaking of, the bandages were soaked in blood. Dee's eyes widened, he hadn't even looked at it properly considering how dark it had been, how deep was it?

Remus gently took his arm, taking Dee by surprise as he had momentarily forgot the other was there, but he let Remus take his arm anyways. Out of nowhere, a flashback of the last time his arm had been grabbed flashed before him, making him startle and jump back. 

"Woah, woah what's wrong?" He heard Remus' voice, but that was about it. Mostly all he could hear was buzz, the distant sound of his father's voice, why, what was happening, he wasn't there. He knew he wasn't. 

What was happening? Why was it suddenly hard to breathe? He just wanted to leave, go somewhere where he was alone, if no one else was there no one could hurt him, right? Hurt, he thought he had experienced it but on another level it became so much more terrifying suddenly. 

"De....- Can.... er.... e?" He felt a hand take his, he was to tug away but what if that got him more hurt? oh god. Then his hand was pressed against something pretty solid, and he could feel something. A steady in and out. "Breathe with me, okay?" 

He thought it was probably in his best interest to listen, so he did. He followed the other's breathing until they matched, eyes still watery as he forced himself to look up. He had somehow ended up on the floor, tucked in on himself with his knees pulled up to his chest. 

Remus was kneeling infront of him, a look of relief across his face. Dee turned his head away, "Sorry." Remus shook his head, "Hey no, it's okay. I just wanted to change the bandages, since they're all bloody. Can i?"

Dee nodded and held out his arm. Remus took off the bandages, placing on new ones, there was a lot of wincing but he got it done fairly quickly. He smiled at Dee, "All done!"

Dee gave a tiny smile back, making Remus literally want to throw himself out of the window. Okay, time for a distraction. He knew he had a lot of things to talk to Dee about, but he knew dumping everything om him at once wouldn't be a good idea. 

"Are you hungry?" Remus asked suddenly. Dee blinked, "Oh, uh, i guess maybe?" Remus sighed, "Well, i'm going to take that as a yes considering you look like you haven't eaten in ages."

Dee's eyes widened, "What?" Remus blinked, "Oh. Right, yeah i lifted up your shirt to check for other injuries."

Dee curled back in on himself, "Oh." 

"Doesn't that hurt? there's bruises all over your chest." Remus asked, getting a shrug in reply, "I've gotten used to it."

Resisting the urge to scream, Remus instead got up and made his way over to the kitchen. He could feel Dee's eyes on him, he knew that the other wasn't in any sort of good mental state but it still stung a little that he felt the need to watch Remus' every move. 

Remus just hoped he could gain some of the trust he lost back quickly.

\--

"I'm sorry." Dee interrupted the silence they had been sat in. Remus looked over at him, "For what?"

"For... everything, i guess. Lying to you, what happened last night..." He trailed off, staring down at the floor. Remus shuffled a little closer to him, "Hey, you were just doing what you thought you had too, right?"

"Well.. yeah... but still... i lied to you.. a lot. And... i still don't get why, but, i hurt you too." Dee said quietly. "Why? because i care about you, like, a hell of a lot. A stupid amount." 

That got a small laugh, "I don't see why... all i've done is mess up since the day i was born." Remus frowned, "That can't be true, like really, that is impossible." 

Dee turned his head and gave him a weak smile, "No... really. My dad," Remus felt a pang at the mention, he still needed to ask Dee about that, "Never wanted me, he never even wanted a kid. I was too slow, i was weird looking, you name it, i was wrong. My mom.... she loved me, but...." Dee trailed off once more. 

Remus knew it was probably a sore subject, just his parents divorce had been hard on him and Roman and his mother was still alive, he couldn't imagine loosing her. He noticed tears forming in Dee's eyes and he panicked a little, he wasn't good with tears, all this comforting and being soft was already very out of character for him. 

"I just...." Dee's voice lowered to a whisper, "I know it was... my fault." Remus stopped, had he heard that correctly? "Your fault?" He echoed, staring at Dee in disbelief. Wasn't he only a kid when it happened? 

"I..." Dee stared back at him, "I... god, i need to stop this. I'm sorry Remus, i'll stop dumping my baggage on you. You know, if you want me to leave i can-"

"No." Remus cut him off sharply, making Dee practically slam his mouth shut. "Dee, first of all, by the sound of it, you don't really have anywhere to go."

"Remus, i have a house-" 

"With a dad who's been abusing you?" Dee stared at him, "I.... i didn't tell you that." Remus shook his head, "No, you didn't, but i put the pieces together." 

When Dee said nothing else, Remus continued, "You aren't going back there. Second, your mental state is not good right now, very obviously. I know you don't fully trust me right now, and that's okay, but i promise you i only want to help." 

"But _why_? why help me? what have i ever done for you to deserve that?" Dee cut in suddenly. "You don't have to do anything, it's not always a simple give and take. If someone needs you to give but has nothing for you to take, sometimes you have to just give and get nothing in return. But you can't just do nothing or forcefully take things, because that's not fair." Remus said. 

"I...." Dee began, but he was cut off by Roman coming down the stairs. He stopped and stared at them for a minute, before walking off, the sound of the front door opening and closing could be heard in the distance. 

Dee stared at the empty spot at the bottom of the stairs. After a moment, he turned back to Remus, "There's something else i lied to you about."

Remus raised an eyebrow and Dee kept talking, "Roman... you know when you asked if something had happened in the hallway because you could hear shouting, and i said it came from Roman's room? It didn't." He took a breath before continuing, "I ran into Roman in the hallway, and he brought up those stupid rumors. I tried to brush him off but he said.... he said that you told him... that you were just using me. And i- i know i shouldn't of believed it, b-but those rumors were starting to get to me, and he said you told him directly, and i thought maybe because your brothers, and what if you were secretly just going off and laughing with them behind my back, and i'm sorry-" 

Remus cut off what had turned into a scrambled rant, and said, "Dee, that definitely isn't true. And..." Remus slowed suddenly, a thought coming to him, "... Wait, that's why you..." He looked at Dee, he turned away sheepishly. 

Remus wanted to scream even more now. Okay, so Remus was adding Roman to his murder list. He took in a deep breath, he had to clear things up and get things back on track or everything would just be a mess forever. 

"I never said that, and it's definitely not true. I would never do that to you, ever. And i get it if you don't trust me, that's totally fine. I hope we can just put that behind us, because i don't want it to ruin our friendship, and i still want to be there for you." 

Dee sighed, looked up and him and slowly nodded, he opened his mouth but was once again cut off, this time by a loud knock on the door. Remus got up to go get it, but his dad had somehow reached the door before him when he got there.

Mr. Kingsley opened up the door, standing there was two police officers. One, the one standing infront, cleared his throat, "Is Janus Cieton here?" 

Dee had followed Remus, reaching him hanging back from the door, "Hey, what-" He froze at the sight of the police officers. The officer looked over at him, "Are you Janus?"

Dee glanced over at Remus, "Uhm... yes?" Remus raised an eyebrow, "It's my first name. Dee is my middle name, remember?" Dee explained.

"Well, you have been reported as missing, care to explain?" The officer asked. Dee almost laughed, really? his father, the one who hated him more than anything, had reported him missing?

"Uh, well, i left my father's house last night." Dee shrugged, not sure how to answer. "Why?" The officer inquired. Dee bit his lip, unsure of what to say. 

Remus looked at him for a moment before turning to the police, "His dad is a fucking asshole, that's why." Dee stared at him, _What the fuck Remus?!_

The officer blinked, clearly taken aback, "In what way?" Mr. Kingsley chimed in, "Well, we have been led to believe he's been abusive towards Dee, and last night, there was... an unfortunate incident, and Dee ended up here, for safety reasons."

The other officer made a frustrated sound, "I knew that place was off. It reeked of alcohol, and it was a _mess._ " 

The first officer sighed, "Proof?" Remus rolled his eyes, but to his surprise, Dee moved forward slightly. He rolled up his sleeve, "Well.. there's this, for a start." 

No one spoke, so he continued, he showed the bruises on his chest, a few more on his arms, plus there was the ones on his face. "If you had gone into the kitchen, you would of found dried blood there." 

The officer standing behind shook her head, "Some people... alright kid, thanks for telling us. We'll look more into this, but honestly we have enough to arrest him already. How old are you?" 

"Fifteen." Dee answered. "Alright, we'll have to get child services involved too. It'll be a bit of an ordeal. Are you okay to stay here, with these guys?"

Dee nodded, "Yeah." The officer gave a nod back, "Alright then." Mr. Kingsley turned to him once the door was closed, "Dee, that was brave of you to come forward."

Dee shrugged, turning away from the compliment, "It's... yeah. Uhm... you don't mind me staying here, do you?"

Mr. Kingsley shook his head, "Don't worry about it, it's perfectly fine. Try not to stress to much, i know it'll be difficult but we'll be here for you, right Remus?"

Remus nodded eagerly, "Absoulutely!" Dee smiled at him, "Thanks." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOO HERE'S A BADLY WRITTEN CHAPTER I TRIED TO WRITE FOR LIKE 3 DAYS AND FAILED AT WOOOOOOOOOOO-  
> forgive me-   
> trying to write this stuff is dIFFCULT mAn-  
> like, oh, dee is hurt and baby but also, oh, boi don't trust no one and also, oh, THERES SO MUCH SHIT THEY HAVE TO TALK ABOUT AND O H-


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time, for ✨The 𝓕𝓵𝓾𝓯𝓯✨
> 
> Hurt n Comfort here we come!

Nightmares, as said before, they weren't common for Dee. So how come, for the third time in a row, he had woken up from one suddenly, startling himself and Remus awake. It was the same nightmare, it wasn't even a nightmare, it was just a flashback to...

"Ugh, why does my mind keep replaying it?! i don't want to see it!" Dee groaned in frustration, honestly he wanted to cry but he wasn't going to start balling like a baby. 

Remus sat up, Remus' bed was big and they had started out on opposite ends but throughout the nightmares Remus had ended up closer. He put a hand on Dee's back, making the other flinch, but he quickly reminded himself it was just Remus. 

_Just Remus_. Dee was trying his best, he knew Remus wasn't going to get angry over little things and he forced himself to remember all the nice things Remus had said and done, but the fear was still there. _Fear,_ he hated it, he was sick of feeling it and the replay of the memory just kept bringing it back in waves. 

"Hey, maybe talking about it will help?" Remus offered. Dee looked at him, it was dark but there was a faint light from the outside, coming through the windows, "Neither of us want that."

There was more silence and Dee really just wanted to cry. He could feel his arm burning, the bruises still hurt if you touched them and his head was pounding. 

Plus, he was _exhausted_. Years of 4-5 hour sleep at night will do that to you, you know. He could feel tears coming and he tried to shove them away, he didn't need to be crying right then. 

But he was just so done. Three of the exact same horrible flashback, he had woken Remus up each time and he felt the guilt twist inside of him, he was tired and he felt like shit and.... he felt the tears rolling down his face, and then he heard the sound from his throat and, yep, he was definitely crying.

"C'mere." He felt arm wrap around him, he knew it was coming but he still stiffened and made a sound, but Remus simply pulled him back down so he was laying on Remus' chest.

The blanket was pulled back over the two of them and things went quiet once more. Dee had to take a moment to process what just happened. He would of moved, but holy shit Remus was like a space heater, he was so fucking _warm_.

And Dee was always so _cold._ He gathered that it was probably due to how skinny he was, but still. Pulling yourself away from that kind of warmth is hard. 

Plus, it wasn't _that_ bad. Remus had one arm around his waist, another was not present until he felt small circles being drawn with a finger on his back. Yeah, okay, it wasn't that bad. It was actually kind of nice, it was pretty comforting, it felt kind of.... safe. Safe, warm and protected.... okay well that was new. 

"You're still tenser than a goldfish in a tank of piranhas, is it not working or-?"

"No, no, it's fine. I just... this is weird." 

He felt Remus shift a little, "What's weird?"

"This.... as stupid as it sounds, this is pretty comforting, and your really warm too and it's just... it's weird. I'm used to always being cold and walking on eggshells all the time." Dee shrugged. 

Remus changed their position, turning them over to the side so he was facing Dee. "Hey, listen, you don't have to do that anymore. You know, you could do something super stupid, like, i don't know, go makeout with my brother or whatever," He heard an disgusted sound, making him grin, "And i still wouldn't hurt you, you know? i mean, i'd be seriously questioning your sanity, but still."

Dee let out a small, quiet laugh. He went quiet again, then there was a moment of silence before Remus felt an arm around him, "I'm cold again." 

Remus rolled his eyes with a smile, changing their position for a third time and allowing Dee to bury his face in the crook of his neck, both arms wrapped around the other. Dee was never, ever getting hurt like that again on Remus' watch. 

\--

Remus woke up to a weight on his chest and the sound of steady breathing, he blinked open his eyes to see Dee still laying on him, fast asleep. He smiled, he looked so cute like that, normally Remus wasn't one for cute things but hey, he was still human.

He laid there for a while longer, until he decided to get up. He gently manoeuvred Dee off of him, getting off of the bed and pulling the blanket back over the other, hoping he would sleep for a while longer, god knows he needed it.

Remus went out into the hall, it was still pretty early but late enough that the other two in the house were already awake. He didn't see either of them upstairs but when he went downstairs he met them in the kitchen. 

After what Dee had told him yesterday, he wasn't exactly happy to see Roman's face. Their dad obviously noticed the tension, "What's up with you two?" 

Roman and Remus looked at each other for a moment before turning away. "Nothing." Roman said. Remus couldn't help the scoff that escaped him, yeah, it was absolutely nothing. 

Mr. Kingsley raised an eyebrow, "You... sure about that?" Roman nodded. Mr. Kingsley looked between the two, "Alright, just don't start a fight." He sighed and left the kitchen. 

Roman was about to leave also, but Remus stopped him, the air in the room going from tense to angry instantly.

"What the fuck were you thinking?" Remus spat.

Roman turned around, "What?" Remus rolled his eyes, "Don't act dumb. You fucking told Dee i was just trying to have sex with him, what the hell?!"

Roman huffed, "Look, i didn't entirely think it through, okay? i didn't think it through when i started the rumors either-" He cut himself off, realising his slip up. 

It went silence, a horrible silence. It was like spilling a deep dark secret, he didn't know what Remus' reaction would be. 

"That was you?" Remus sounded like he didn't want to believe it, Roman felt guilt start to eat at him at the look on his brother's face. Had he really done that much damage?

As if he could read Roman's mind, angry yells started coming out of Remus' mouth.

"You fucking BASTARD! Do you have HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEA WHAT YOU ACTUALLY DID?! IT WASN'T JUST A FEW STUPID RUMORS, IT WAS DAY AFTER DAY OF HIM GETTING HARASSED BY THE ENTIRE SCHOOL!" To Roman's complete surprise, he felt a swift hand across his face. Did Remus actually just _slap him?_

"Remus-" 

"NO, SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH. I am so fucking done with you! GOD YOUR SUCH A DICKHEAD! YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST DO WHATEVER, HUH?! YOU THINK JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T LIKE SOMEONE YOU CAN DO WHATEVER??" Remus moved closer, voice echoing around the kitchen.

"I DIDN'T MEAN TO!" Roman yelled back, "I didn't mean for it to go this far."

"You didn't mean to, huh? that doesn't fix it. He almost DIED and you were part of the reason." Remus glared, _hard_. Roman flinched back.

"What... what actually happened to him?" 

Remus turned away, "It's not really my place to tell you. But i can tell you that your a dick." He hissed.

"I'm sorry, okay?"

"Sorry? SORRY? Sorry won't help you this time, you can't just apologize and go back to having people like you instantly. You fucked up, accept it."

Roman tried to think of something to say, mouth opening and closing a few time before he gave up. Remus pushed past him, exiting the kitchen.

Roman stared blankly at the floor, he felt the weight of everything crushing him down. He had to apologize, but clearly now wasn't the time.

He heard a buzz, it was his phone. He pulled it out of his pocket, it was a text from Virgil. He winced at that, he had been neglecting his boyfriend for weeks. He went to text back, he could start small, get things back on track with Virgil, and work his way up to Remus and Dee.

\--

One minute, Dee was sleeping peacefully. The next minute, he was awake and he could hear yelling and it shot fear through him like lightning. 

He tried to calm himself down, where was he again? A familiar smell reminded him he was in Remus' room, right. Remus.. wasn't there. Okay.

The yelling stopped. Well, that's good, right? Then he heard someone coming up the stairs. Less good. He tried to keep himself from panicking too much, he was safe, nothing bad was going to happen, that's what Remus kept saying. 

Speaking of Remus, the other slammed into the room, looking completely pissed. What it Remus who had been yelling? What was he mad about?

Dee subconsciously moved back, he hoped he wasn't showing too much fear on his face, he didn't need that right then. "God, he's such a bitch." Remus growled, he turned to Dee, still glaring until he saw the look on Dee's face and his expression immediately softened. 

Dee internally sighed, well so much for not looking scared. Remus came over to the bed, "Last time i checked you were sleeping."

"I was woken up by yelling." Dee mumbled. Remus cringed, "Yikes. Sorry about that." 

"Why were you yelling?" Dee asked, "What... were you angry about?" Remus sighed, "Roman." 

Dee raised an eyebrow, _atleast he's not mad at me_ , "Roman?" 

Remus ran a hand through his hair, "He's such a dickweed. He's the one that started all those rumors. Apparently he didn't mean for it to get so out of hand but still, fucking twat. I want to strangle him." 

Dee blinked, "He... what?" Remus groaned in frustration and let himself fall backwards on the bed, "I'm usually ready to murder but honestly i'm just tired and pissed right now."

Dee slowly layed down next to him, "Yeah, that's me all the time. I don't have the energy to be actually angry." Remus turned his head to face him, "You should be fucking raging at like, almost everyone you know." 

Dee shrugged, "Maybe after ten thousand naps i'll be energized enough." 

"You can go back to sleep you know, you can sleep as much as you want. I don't care, you need it anyways. Same with food, eat, sleep and be as much of a lazy cat as you want to be." Remus said, Dee snickered softly, "Remus, really."

"No seriously." Remus shuffled himself closer, gently putting an arm around Dee, "There's no stupid rules about that shit, you need sleep, and food, and a personal heater." He kissed the top of Dee's head, taking Dee by surprise. He was overwhelmed by how much he just wanted to cuddle up in Remus' arms like... well, like a cat, like Remus said. But he couldn't do that, he wasn't a cat and he wasn't a snuggly person either, he wasn't a baby or anything like that, it felt stupid.

He found himself being stuck, until Remus, voice quieter than ever, said, "You don't have to. Either way, i'll still be here for whatever you need." He pushed into Remus' arms, he still felt kind of stupid but he tried to brush it off. 

He could feel Remus' smile against his head, "So, are you going back to sleep?" Dee hummed, "I dunno." 

Remus started running his hand though Dee's hair, "Alright then. Tell me if you want or need anything." 

Dee closed his eyes and buried his face into Remus' shirt. Surprisingly, Remus didn't smell like shit. Well, okay, if he hadn't showered or was wearing clothes he had worn a few times, he did smell like a dumpster. But when he was clean, he smelt pleasantly of apple scent. 

Dee had asked Remus about it before, apparently Remus really liked both smells so it didn't matter to him which one he smelt like. It was potluck whichever you were gonna get. 

Dee felt himself smile a little at the thought. Remus was really one of a kind. A weird, eccentric disaster kind, but still a good kind. He was Dee's favourite kind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to write some cuddles, okay!? LITERALLY I HAVE JUST WANTED TO WRITE THEM CUDDLING SINCE THE START OF THIS FIC JUST T A K E I T- 
> 
> So i thought this would be like 15 chapters, but it might be like 17? idk man, i'm just tryin to figure it out. I just wanna write some fluff and hurt n comfort and cuddles and stuff ya know? cuddlesssss 😫😖😞


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We've timeskipped ahead around two months, and it's Dee's birthday.

Remus knocked on the door with his free hand, the other holding a bright yellow gift bag. The door opened up not long after, Dee standing there with a smile.

"Heya princess, happy birthday!" Remus grinned, he put the bag down and pulled his friend into a hug. Dee chuckled and hugged back, "Thanks, Remus."

"Sooo, how the folks doing?" Remus asked. It had only been a couple weeks since Dee had moved in with his new foster parents, and Remus was still not 100% convinced on them yet. They hadn't done anything wrong, but he was still building up his trust of them.

Dee went quiet, and Remus' concern immediately grew. "Dee, you okay?" He scanned the other over, checking for anything really, but Dee shook off his concerns, "I'm fine, Remus."

He went back inside and Remus followed, "So what's up?" Dee stopped in the middle of the hall, taking in a deep breath. Remus stopped also, what was going on with him? He sure didn't look fine. 

Remus still hadn't pinpointed Dee's exact reactions to everything. Sometimes, they changed, or sometimes he would just react unexpectedly. But one thing he had noticed was the other's reactions completely switched depending on who he was with. 

"Dee, come on, what's wrong?" Remus asked gently, he slowly made his way over to his friend, but before he could reach him Dee spun around looking distressed.

A ton of emotions hit Remus at once but one quickly replaced them, surprise, when Dee said the one thing he hadn't been expecting.

"They're so _nice_!" 

Remus blinked, "... What?" Dee groaned, hands going to cover his face, "They're so stupidly nice, Remus!" 

"They fucking baked a cake and everything! who does that?!" Dee sunk down to the floor. Remus bent down next to him, "Most people get their kid a cake." 

Dee looked up at him, "I'm not their kid..." He mumbled. "Well, not biologically. And it probably doesn't feel like it even not biologically at the moment, but if they really are nice, then maybe you can feel like their kid at some point in the future." 

Dee sighed, Remus fully sat down on the floor and it was only a second before Dee shuffled over to him for a hug. Remus wrapped his arms around the other, pulling him closer. 

"It even had yellow frosting on it, i swear i only told them i liked yellow once, how did they even remember?" Dee mumbled in Remus' chest. 

"Maybe because they care?" Remus said, he hadn't properly met these people yet, but he was growing more curious too, they actually sounded pretty good. 

"That's stupid. Why care about me?" Remus gasped at that, "How could they _not_ care? Everyone has to care about a princess!" 

Dee looked up at him with an amused look, smirking and rolling his eyes. "Last time i checked, i'm not a princess. I'm not royalty, and i'm not a girl either."

Remus scoffed, "First of all, you don't have to actually be royalty to be a princess, and second, anyone can be a princess, thank you very much." 

"What are you then?"

"A queen, obviously." Remus said. "Ah, of course." Dee let out a soft laugh and lent his head back against Remus' chest. 

"Can we go upstairs? i got you a gift." Remus said, pulling forward the gift bag. Dee blinked, "Oh, yeah sure."

He took a moment before he got up, "Goddamn you being so warm.." He muttered. Remus snickered, following Dee up the stairs.

Dee's room was still pretty empty, the walls still white, although the sheets had been changed to swirling patterned yellow and white ones. Remus plopped down on the bed and patted the spot beside him.

Dee said down next to him and Remus placed the bag on his lap. Dee looked from him to the bag for a moment, "Will it kill me?" Remus grinned, "I could never do that to you, my love."

Dee rolled his eyes, "I still don't trust it, but i'll open it." He pulled the bad opened, pulling out the gift inside. He blinked for a moment, "It's..."

It was two plushies, one, a green tentacled octopus, and the other, a yellow snake. He looked over at Remus, who excitedly grinned back, "It's us in plushie form!"

He wasn't expecting Dee to practically crash into him for a hug, knocking him back onto the bed. Dee was laying on top of him, not that he really seemed to have noticed, he was too busy squeezing him.

"Thank you, i love them, so much." He heard, muffled but he still heard it. "I've never seen someone so happy over plushies, but i'm glad." Remus laughed, putting his arms around the other. 

Dee made a slight noise of surprise, seemingly only then realising that position they were in, but it was okay, he relaxed again almost instantly, leaning onto Remus with his head under Remus'.

Things went quiet, but not in a bad way. Remus reached over and grabbed one of the plushies, the octopus one, giving it to Dee. Dee took it and cuddled up to it, Remus still holding him close. 

These kind of moments were nice, but bittersweet, for both of them. While Remus still made his jokes, neither of them had dared to bring up the actual matter at hand.

Dee liking Remus and not thinking it was reciprocated, and Remus liking Dee and not thinking it was reciprocated. 

Remus thought that everything that had already happened between them was purely from pressure, because of all of the things he said and the he jokes he made, hence why he had lightened them up a bit. He wished he hadn't messed it up, but he pushed past it, if Dee only needed him as a friend, a friend he would be.

Dee thought that Remus just wouldn't want to be with him anymore, after all, the other had stopped making the jokes and saying the things he used too. It stung, but Dee could live with just being his friend. After all, he was the one who messed it up. 

Still, there was no denying they both liked the moments they shared close. Soon enough, Dee had drifted off to sleep, Remus following shortly after.

  
Remus awoke to what he could only assume was not much later, to a knocking sound then a door creaking open. 

He pulled himself up slightly, aware that Dee was still asleep on his chest and not wanting to wake him. He looked over at the door, standing there a softly smiling face.

"Hi, you're Remus, right?" He whispered, Remus nodded, "Uh, yeah... i don't remember your name, sorry." The man chuckled quietly, "It's Emile. Or, Mr. Picani, but that sounds a little to professional. It'll be Dr. Picani soon enough anyways."

Remus briefly remembered Dee mentioning one of the foster parents was going to school still to study something. "I just wanted to see if you guys were okay, Dee did mention he had a friend coming over. He... left pretty quickly earlier, i didn't know if maybe he just didn't like cake or anything, but it was a little concerning."

Remus let out a soft sigh, "No no, he's just.. you know, he hasn't had anyone give him cake on his birthday or even show him the tiniest bit of kindness for nine years..." 

Emile slowly nodded, a sad look on his face. "Right... well, if you want some, you can always come down and get some." Remus smiled and nodded, "Thanks."

Emile was about to leave, scanning over the bed one last time when he finally spotted... "PLUSHIES!" His voice went from a one to a twenty almost instantly, startling Dee awake and probably waking up anyone who was sleeping in a twenty mile radius, too.

He blinked, stepping back, "Oh gosh, sorry!" He giggled sheepishly, "I just-" He cut himself off, attention turned on Dee. 

Being startled awake is enough to make anyone panic, but Dee suddenly forgot where he was, what was happening, someone had yelled, why did they yell, was someone angry?

He felt someone against him, he felt the panic shoot through him for a moment before he took a breath in, and the smell of apple scent came with it. Remus, it was just Remus.

He let out a shaky breath, leaning further in the other. Remus' grip tightened slightly, voice mumbling out words, "Hey, hey Dee it's okay, everything's okay, alright?" 

"Oh golly gosh, i really am sorry Dee. I didn't mean to get so loud there." Dee forced himself to quieten down his breathing, trying to figure out who's voice that was.

It was... kind of like Patton's voice, only older.... _Emile. Shit!_ He pulled away from the warmth of Remus' chest, looking around him, trying to figure out what happened, what did he do to cause yelling?

He felt something soft against him and he looked down to see the two plushies sat there, they were comforting but what if that was it? what if Emile thought he was a baby for cuddling a plushie like a little kid?

He could push them away, but he thought that might hurt Remus' feelings, and he didn't know what to do. "DeeDee, can you hear me?" Remus, obviously noticing Dee's face and his looking down and around, had only grown more concerned.

At first, seeing Remus concerned had been horribly unsettling, it was such a weird emotion to see on the eccentric person. He still wasn't completely used to it, it wasn't a feeling that suited Remus. He wished he could stop causing it. 

He managed a nod, he could hear another voice from behind him. "That's good. How's his breathing?" Dee gathered the voice wasn't talking to him, was it still Emile? was he annoyed? he didn't sound annoyed.

"I think it's okay, little heavy but he's fine." Remus replied. "Alright, do you think i should go? I can talk to him later." Dee tried to make sense of what was happening, all he knew was that he had just been woken up by a loud voice and he still didn't have a reason why. 

"Yeah okay." He heard footsteps and suddenly words reappeared, but only two words, two words he hated saying but two words that usually came to mind in any panicked situation. "I- I'm sorry." 

The footsteps stopped, where they coming closer or going away? he couldn't tell. "Sorry for what?"

Dee blinked, "Uhm... i don't know." He turned his head to finally look at the other. Emile didn't look angry, he looked surprisingly calm, actually. 

"Well then, doesn't seem like you need to apologize." Emile said, with a smile and in a happy tone, before leaving the room with a gentle click of the door. 

Dee turned back to Remus, "What?" Remus opened up his arms, Dee hadn't moved that far from him but he missed Remus' warmth already, falling backing in the comforting hold.

"He just came in to check on us, mostly you i think. He only yelled because he saw the plushies, i think he... really likes plushies or something. Nothing bad happened, DeeDee."

"That's... it?" 

Remus nodded against his head, "Yeppers. Do you wanna go back to sleep?" Dee shook his head, "No." 

"Alright, what do you wanna do?" Dee hummed, "Nothing, really..." Remus snorted, "Top ten things to do, absolutely nothing."

Dee smiled and curled up more, hey, Remus was warm, okay? After a moment he felt Remus move a little, then he heard the click of a button, Remus had probably pulled out his phone.

He heard a scoff, "God, my brother is such a lovesick idiot." Roman. It had been an iffy start, but after a long winded, overdramatic apology, Roman slowly begun to make it up to them. 

Dee and him still weren't friends, and him and Remus weren't exactly the closest brothers in the world, but things had turned alright. Remus lowered the phone and Dee glanced at it, it was a picture of Roman and Virgil, probably on a date.

Dee rolled his eyes, "Virgil has awful taste." Remus snickered, "He sure does." 

"Still.. it's nice that they're happy and all that mushy crap." Dee said, he couldn't help but think of how different it would be if he and Remus were in a relationship.

Remus hummed, "I guess so. I would do it differently. Less romantic crap, more making out. Although, i guess dates can be fun, if you to places you can ruin kids birthday parties and put laxatives in people's drinks."

"I don't think you know what a date is."

"Of course i do! I was planning our first date for months-" Remus cut himself off, the words hanging in the air. A tense silence filled the room, Remus internally cursed himself for letting that slip. What if he had made Dee too uncomfortable? 

"You... were?" Dee asked, sounding in disbelief. Remus nodded, "Yeah, i was... i wanted it to be actually good, ya know? taking into account what you'd like aswell as me..." 

Dee's gaze fell downwards, pulling away from Remus' embrace. "I.. oh." Remus felt the disappointment hit him like a brick, but he was determined to at atleast still save their friendship.

"It.. it was a while ago now, you know! i was just, being the gay idiot that i am- we had only known eachother a few months, and i-" 

"Would you still go out on a date with me?" The question sliced through any other thought Remus had. It hung there for a moment, Remus trying to process how to respond. 

But Dee beat him to it, "Sorry, dumb question, i-" 

"No! Dee, i would absolutely, i just never thought you would want to!" Remus said, trying to sound reassuring, but probably failing.

"B... but, why? why would you want to go on a date with me? i thought... i thought you didn't like me anymore." Dee said, looking down at his hands instead of up at Remus, he didn't think he could.

"What? i thought _you_ didn't like _me_!" Remus shot out, he couldn't believe it, where they both just being huge idiots this entire time?

Dee finally looked up, "I... i wasn't sure at first, but over the past couple months...." He trailed off, things going quiet once more, but the silence was now completely different.

They were staring at eachother, both trying to comprehend the fact... they both actually liked eachother, at the same time, with the same feelings, and... for months, they had done nothing about it. 

"Holy shit. _Holy shit_. When did we become the lovesick idiots?!" Remus jumped off of the bed. 

"Oh god i-" Dee began, but he was cut off by Remus pulling him off of the bed and swiftly into a kiss. 

It was sweet, full of making up for lost time. Remus pulled away after a moment, smiling down at the other. Dee gave him another quick peck, (Remus was internally dying at the fact Dee had to stand on his tippy toes) then moved his head down to lean on Remus' chest, which was pretty usual for their height difference, but it never got old.

Remus sighed contently, finally, finally almost a year, he was right where he wanted to be. His - _boyfriend?_ \- was happy in his arms. 

"So.... do you want some of that cake?"

\--

"I have never seen someone eat cake so fast, ever." Remy, Emile's husband, gawked at Remus. Remus grinned, "I like cake."

Remy returned a smirk, "I like him." Dee rolled his eyes, "Well good, because he'll be here a lot." Remy raised an eyebrow, " _Oh_?"

"Sure will, Mr. P! I can't let my lovely princess be lonely now, can i?" Remus said. Dee nudged him slightly, "Remus, you have to stop with that nickname."

"Never."

Emile walked into the kitchen, "Oh, hey guys. Dee, can i talk to you a second?" Dee looked up at him, "I... can you just say it here?" He didn't say it rudely, and Emile nodded.

"I just wanted to say sorry for earlier, i got over-excited when i saw those adorable plushies!" He practically squealed. "Babe, chill." Remy said. 

"Right, right, sorry. They were just so cute! i love plushies, i have so many myself!" Remy sighed at that, "Yes, he does."

Dee blinked, he was a fully grown man, and get he had plushies? "So... you don't mind?"

"Mind what?" Emile asked, confusion written across his face. "About... a sixteen year old with plushies?" 

Emile shook his head with a smile, "Absolutely not! i think the plushies your friend got you are super cool!" Remus cleared his throat, "Actually, i think i've been upgraded to boyfriend."

Dee groaned, "I regret so much." Remus booped him on the head, "No you don't." Dee looked up and rolled his eyes with a smile, "Sh you." 

Remus returned the smile, cupping Dee's face with his hands and kissing him on the forehead, "Happy birthday, DeeDee." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. OKAY SO I KNOW I SAID IT MIGHT BE MORE THAN FIFTEEN BUT I HAD TO TIMESKIP BCUZ MY MOTIVATION D I E D- 
> 
> So here's some other lil things to wrap up,  
> Dee's dad is in jail (stay there, you fUCKER-)  
> As said in the chapter, Roman and Virgil r gucci 👌  
> Logan and Patton r also gucci, idk maybe they got together or maybe they're just being besties and bein chill, up to you i guess
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this shit show! haha, i'm not proud of it. I might rewrite it in the future, idk, but for now, i'm gon focus on my other story. So yeah, toodles! <3


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